@anita

Yes I find the comparison extremely infuriating as I don’t view myself in that way, friend and social interaction are important to me. My sadness is not that my father is the way that he is but that I appear to be giving off a similar impression to my wife. My dad lives 60 miles away and is who he is, and its not particularly something I think about too often. Only when she draws the comparison, and admittedly I have times where I can be lazy, unmotivated and this is likely why she uses this example.

To add some further depth to the situation, we spoke further at length yesterday about our situation and my pain in the above summary. Her thoughts and feelings I can understand in some way, she feels that I can be lazy, sarcastic, unmotivated and show a general lack of initiative, almost like I have given up making an effort to keep the excitement and passion in our relationship. For this reason she explains it is difficult to connect with me and me affectionate and intimate. Like if I am not make an effort to remove some of her feelings above then when would she want to be close or intimate with me.

I totally get it and can see her side, I know I haven’t been a good enough partner and she does lead on most things in terms of planning and organizing. I always say that’s just not my thing, and your really good at that part where as for me it causes me stress and anxiety. This isn’t fair to her really I see that after our chat last night!

Most of the time it feels like a catch 22, I have to change things to draw her closer to me. I also feel that I would make more of an effort to do that if the closeness and affection was there in the 1^st place, so I’m sort of stuck if you know what I mean.

I really appreciate your thoughts and comments, look forward to hearing from you further