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Just today I was thinking about the type of household I grew up in. We didn’t talk about anything. If something happened to me in school or with my friends, I never talked about it. I used to be made to feel like, if bad things happened to me, it was because it was probably my fault. I held a lot of things in and then all of a sudden one small thing could trigger me to explode. I used to become extremely angry at, which appeared to be, the most trivial things, when in fact it was a combination of many things. Now I just obsess. I haven’t left the house today. Feeling extremely closed off but I have no desire to do anything today. A read a little bit about meditation and tried a technique that made me feel calm. It was nice. I need to keep at it. I thought about looking into therapy but I don’t know….
Thank you for your words of encouragement. There is some comfort to know that I’m not the only one out there who feels or has felt this way. You and John have shed some light on things I didn’t think of like recognizing the issue and not suppress it and work on a way to help me through my obsession before it completely takes over me.Blue2Participant
Thank you, John. I like the idea of meditation and am willing to learn how. Not pushing my thoughts away and not reacting to them seems like a much healthier approach and oddly sounds like it may be easier to do. I know it’s going to take time. Agonizing over something I can’t control is really wearing me down. Creating scenarios in my head of what I want to happen and then getting so upset when it doesn’t is just ridiculous because what i seem to want, I know isn’t necessarily good for me or is so far fetched it can’t happen.
I appreciate you taking the time to respond. Take care.