Hey,
That’s hard! I found that detaching myself from those people and situations was the best thing for me, at least when I kept getting caught up in the negativity – it’s like these people are rolling down the yucky negative hill and you end up going down with them!! So, when I knew I couldn’t stand my ground in a positive way I detached and it helped me a lot. Then, later after many months if I was around one of these people again, I felt stronger and was able to not engage with their negativity and be pulled in/down by it. I found surrounding myself with positive ideas – in books, people, nature, friendships, new activities, exercise, healthy fresh food, sunshine if you can get it, inspiring art, ,making the most of whatever my community had to offer around me; all these things really helped and still do help me a lot.
Good luck to you, I’m sure you will find a way of getting on a more positive path and staying there! Peace.

Hey Simon,
I really feel for you, this sounds like a really tough and draining relationship and series of events you have been through in many ways. Though I also hear there have been some special times too, making it all the more difficult to move on as you have tried to save a relationship with a person precious to you who you invested so much of your heart and time in. It is heartbreaking and all the more difficult when you feel bad about yourself to begin with as you described in your background. I am sorry its been so hard for you, and I do relate by the way, I have a similar experience…anyhow, if its any use, I recommend a book called Necessary Endings by Cloud and Townsend. It has really helped me with a situation different to yours yet so similar in that I had someone use me and run me around with all sorts of complicated actions, pulling me into an intense love relationship and then rejecting me again and again and again…a little what it sounds like here, it has been so hard and the effect was I felt so terrible about myself many years afterwards – I truly relate to what you’re saying there. For me it has been three years since this man first proved himself unworthy of my trust by cheating on me, and I kept going back and trying to resolve things, only to be betrayed again and again by lies and more. My advice to you is that you cannot be friends with this person and that you really need to go and make friends with yourself and focus on learning to love yourself. Let yourself have fun and learn to be happy, get some counselling and allow yourself the self-care and love of only – and I mean ONLY – being around and engaging in activities that nurture your self-esteem and belief in love and life again. You were not intended to be a loser. You are worthy of love, respect, happiness and every good thing. But this person is getting in the way of that. Perhaps she has only mirrored your own beliefs about yourself to you…. My opinion based on my experience is – cut her off and take a good long hard look at yourself with her out of the picture. Find where you are self-loathing and get some help to get free of these destructive beliefs. You can be happy and you can find love with someone who will value you, treat you with respect and it won’t try to put a smoke screen in front of your face blaming and accusing you about being money-driven etc. Sounds like a distraction technique to get the attention off of herself to avoid having to change and to make the problem all your fault. Be kind to yourself and don’t stick around someone who makes you feel insecure and bad about yourself any longer. Love and peace to you.