Forum Replies Created
September 5, 2019 at 6:07 am #310385
I’ll respond here to all of you, as your themes are the same. I appreciate your points and have thought about them for some time. You are correct about the impact on the children, this is clear. I just wanted to clarify that in all other relationships that she has in regards to all other people, my wife has been kind, friendly, and is trusted.
I reached out for help in order to weigh up what others felt, and I would have also replied in a similar way if it was someone else’s situation.
In relation to getting out and going for full custody, or kicking my wife out of the house, I will talk to my lawyer about this, but it is also handled by a different office, the Jugendamt.
All your points are valid, but I’m more looking for advice on how to deal with the depression of the whole situation, if you have any?September 4, 2019 at 7:32 am #310243
Also worth noting that any abuse, physical or verbal, was directed only ever at me, never at anyone else.September 4, 2019 at 3:49 am #310229
Thanks for your guidance, you may be right about my wife’s mental state, perhaps she will pursue more therapy once she is stabilises herself in her new relationship, especially if the root of her behaviour doesn’t change. I see her being extremely kind and caring to this new man, perhaps all she needs is a person which fits her better.
Regarding the kids, I belive my wife has been a good mother to them and has brought them up well. I do not want to take sole custody and remove them from her. I would want to work towards joint custody.September 4, 2019 at 3:11 am #310227
Hi Mark, thanks for your thoughts. You have a good point about the impact on the kids and playing the victim. I sometimes reflect on that and worry that I’ve exasserbated the situation by folding to what I thought was the right thing to do. This may be projecting the wrong type of model for my kids.
I feel like I should take responsibility for a lot of the issue we had and I want to move on. The problem is I’m financially tied at the moment and moving out is not an option until there is a change in that situation.
For that, I am reliant on my wife to work. The alternative is to just do it and deal with the financial problems afterwards, but I’m undecided if that really would be best for my children.September 3, 2019 at 9:10 am #310141
Hi Peggy, thanks for your kind words. It is very hard and each day at the moment is like a battle. I am not able to live with my family as they are in a different country, I don’t have much of a support system here in Germany, unfortunately. That’s one of the reasons I decided to write down my thoughts here.
Financially I’m tied to my house and the home where we both live. Ideally we would sell it in one or two years when our potential profits would set us both up for a new beginning individually. That’s the problem, I have to live with her and her inactivity, while she lives off me and builds a new relationship. It hurts like hell to come home from working full time and find her drinking and happy on the phone with her new boyfriend.