Dear Anon,
I am sorry for the pain you are going through, and as hard as it is to believe, there is a valuable life lesson in there somewhere. We all have to go through a certain right of passage, certain pain to learn few of the most important aspects of self and life in general. I congratulate you for you now know the path you took was wrong, and the hurt goes to show you are vulnerable at present, which is good. You have already taken the first step, the journey is to continue, so now its upto you and your heart to either turn around and walk back to the right path, where joy awaits or continue this way. These phases are never easy, and the grieving does take it toll, but you have to have the strength and go through it, face your fears, your so called weaknesses head on, feel what you think you ought to feel rather than suppressing it, and eventually one day you ll realize the storm is passed over and life is sunny again. During this course, forgive people who have done you wrong, ask for forgiveness from who you have wronged and be open and vulnerable, love will find its way to you. As tough it may be, you will have to forgive this friend of yours, however, I would not suggest continuing the relationship with him as he will hamper your personal growth.
Here are some good articles from TB: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-acknowledging-your-anger-can-help-you-forgive-and-find-peace/ , http://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-tips-to-forgive-instead-of-letting-anger-control-your-life/ , http://tinybuddha.com/blog/catch-anger-before-it-catches-you/ which does address some of your issues.

When you let go of resentment, a weight is lifted off, and your soul feels free to fly again. I wish you all the strength and light in the world,
Namaste !

• This reply was modified 11 years, 2 months ago by bodhisatva.