Feeling very angry over bad advice

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    A “friend” gave me some terrible advice and dissuaded me from pursuing true love so he could use me.

    I feel so angry with him, as I recognise that his advice was for his own interest and he seriously messed with my life and my future happiness by convincing me that my chosen path of action was wrong. This was at best, ignorant, and at worst deliberate sabotage so he could feel better about his own short comings.

    Then I feel cross with myself for not recognising him for the sycophant he was, and for being so weak minded to believe that his advice was that of a true friend. I feel weak for putting myself into that situation and for being so easily influenced by peer pressure.

    He corrupted me by turning me against the truth of my heart and I regret how this terrible advice started me on a false-footing and a karmic path of destruction that destroyed my relationship and happiness.

    I want to forgive him and myself but I still feel so bitter. He manipulated me and I compromised my integrity to appease him. I blame myself for letting this guy into my life as he was clearly a bad reflection of who me at the time.


    “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

    If you feel like you’re walking down the wrong road, you don’t have to keep walking. You can turn around. You don’t need to feel like just because you’ve been turned from what you feel is your true path that you’ll never be able to get back there. You’re the only one who is control of your life and your path.

    As for you friend and his “destructive”advice – you don’t know whether it was ignorance or maliciousness, and holding onto so much anger is only hurting you. Remember that everything happens for a reason, even if that reason is just to teach us a lesson that we might not have learned without pain.

    It’s my experience that, unfortunately, most people are very focused on their own wants and will do whatever they can to get it. Being angry with them will not help you and it will not help them either. People are going to hurt you sometimes, but you need to forgive them and love them anyway.

    Rather than be angry at him (or yourself) use this experience to learn about yourself. Know that you can use this experience, not to harden yourself and become distrusting, but to understand your reasons for ignoring your intuition to appease someone else and learn how to be strong in yourself.


    Thank you Ke. The emotional beating I have given myself over the last few months makes me pretty sure that I will never stray from my values again. I also see how this incident was just one part of a chain of events which I could have brought under control if I had better awareness at the time. I cannot blame my friend for all that followed, and my inability to rediscover the right path.

    Your message has helped me move beyond blame, I occasionally bargain with myself (if onlys….) but I try to put a stop to these self-indulgent fantasies when I catch myself thinking them. The depression is with me from the moment I wake up but hopefully acceptance isn’t too far away!



    Dear Anon,
    I am sorry for the pain you are going through, and as hard as it is to believe, there is a valuable life lesson in there somewhere. We all have to go through a certain right of passage, certain pain to learn few of the most important aspects of self and life in general. I congratulate you for you now know the path you took was wrong, and the hurt goes to show you are vulnerable at present, which is good. You have already taken the first step, the journey is to continue, so now its upto you and your heart to either turn around and walk back to the right path, where joy awaits or continue this way. These phases are never easy, and the grieving does take it toll, but you have to have the strength and go through it, face your fears, your so called weaknesses head on, feel what you think you ought to feel rather than suppressing it, and eventually one day you ll realize the storm is passed over and life is sunny again. During this course, forgive people who have done you wrong, ask for forgiveness from who you have wronged and be open and vulnerable, love will find its way to you. As tough it may be, you will have to forgive this friend of yours, however, I would not suggest continuing the relationship with him as he will hamper your personal growth.
    Here are some good articles from TB: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-acknowledging-your-anger-can-help-you-forgive-and-find-peace/ , http://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-tips-to-forgive-instead-of-letting-anger-control-your-life/ , http://tinybuddha.com/blog/catch-anger-before-it-catches-you/ which does address some of your issues.

    When you let go of resentment, a weight is lifted off, and your soul feels free to fly again. I wish you all the strength and light in the world,
    Namaste !

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 7 months ago by bodhisatva.

    Thank you Bodhisatva, I take huge comfort in your words.

    Last night I forgave my friend and I learnt a deeper lesson about myself. I have spent too long trying to please others and by doing so on this occasion it came at great personal cost. If it hadn’t have been him, it could easily have been someone else and the lesson may have been even more painful!

    I recently read Carlos Castaneda’s third book of his experiences with Don Juan, “Journey to Ixtlan”. I realise that my friend represented another phantom attempting to lead me off my true path. The journey continues and I work hard through meditation, study, healthy distraction and detachment to regain my confidence, self-esteem and happiness. I am not there yet but I feel at peace now I have moved beyond anger, the mental bargaining has lessened, so I know I am moving closer to acceptance.

    Thanks again for your inspiring sentiments!

    Rose Tattoo

    I’ve found that my greatest lessons come when I feel I’ve gone “astray”. Maybe you never went astray, and this is the path you needed to be on to learn these things, and now you can find your way to your true path having learned what you needed to know. 🙂


    I want to believe that’s true Rose…. my sister has told me something similar. Have your ‘greatest lessons’ also been the cruellest? I feel like my dream appeared before me and then was snatched away before I could grab it!


    Dear anon,
    I feel deeply for you, for I myself am getting over something similar, however, my perspective comes from the opposite side, My ex ( who I thought to be the perfect woman) fell into this scheme of manipulation and lies of a convenient “friend” and ended up having an affair, which led to our long drawn out break up. What I can say from my experience of the last four months is there is a reason these things happen to people, however cruel. There are deficiencies in all of us, me, you, and us together. And when something like this happen, they come out raw and we have to face them. There is shame, guilt and anger, but beneath it all is the ” how can i make myself better, love myself more and bring happiness to me and all around me ” thoughts which are there. Nothing is lost till you decide it is. What I would suggest, and would have wanted back then for myself, would be for you to be honest and completely vulnerable, to tell your true love what you did and the real reason behind it, and apologize as honestly as you can. and do it without expectations, and knowing you and they will be ok if nothing comes out of it. I feel if you express remorse and show them you are willing to go in with a full heart again, forgiveness may happen and you guys may start off with an even better footing. I feel this is what I would have desired from my anon, but either ways, hope it ll give you and them some much needed closure.
    May you find peace and joy,
    Namaste !

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