Hello Tulips8,

It’s important for you to know that early sobriety is hell for all recovering addicts, so you’re not alone. When we stop using, we have taken away our maladaptive coping mechanism but the underlying problems are still there. You may have been told by your sponsor or others in the fellowship that when you are in recovery, major life changes relating to career, housing, large purchases, intimate relationships, etc. should be avoided for a period of time (2 years is typical) because they can add stress and became sources of triggers. Obviously, some of the changes you’re undergoing cannot be avoided, so you will just have to be mindful of the added pressure and work your recovery accordingly.

Feeling like our family and loved ones don’t understand what we’re struggling with is also common. It would be helpful for them to attend Al-anon or other support groups, but we can’t force them nor is it a guarantee that they would become empathetic. Understanding my addiction or yours is not their responsibility. That’s why the fellowship is so important.

You mentioned that problems surface when you miss meetings, so it’s obvious that you need to be proactive and not just attend meetings when you feel bad or think you need them.

I encourage you to consider having more than one sponsor, perform service in or outside of the program, and regard your attendance at meetings the same as taking life-saving medication. You wouldn’t skip the latter, so the same should hold true for the former. Another suggestion is to work with a psychotherapist who specializes in treating addiction. Exploring residential treatment programs would be advised as well. You need to firmly believe that you deserve recovery. I hope you have hit your bottom and wish you peace and serenity.

Bill

Hello Everyone. My name is Bill and this is my first post. I applaud the advice offered here so far. In response to ayame and Rebecca’s concerns, perhaps sharing my journey would be beneficial for you.

After decades of treatment involving different modalities of psychotherapy and being prescribed powerful psychotropic medications, I discovered a more-effective protocol for treating my mood disorders, which include manic depression, post-traumatic stress, OCD, rage, and addiction. This occurred after I adopted a spiritual practice. By integrating mindfulness meditation and other Buddhist practices with psychotherapy, I noticed that my mood became more stable, I gained firmer control of my thoughts and emotions, and I experienced less anxiety. I also developed a powerful coping mechanism. The frequencies of my nightmares, flashbacks, and ruminations lessened considerably—some had ceased altogether. All this was done with the support of my psychiatrist.

One thing I learned is that most of the therapy and advice I received was knowledge, which my “adult” ego state received and processed intellectually. However, it was my inner child that was suffering and needed to heal. My spiritual practice has empowered me to alleviate a lot of my symptoms by focusing on nurturing and empowering my inner child. For example, practicing Tonglen meditation had enabled me to cultivate compassion for my past enemies, which heals my inner child. I wish both of you much peace and wisdom.