Off the Wagon and Seeking Advice

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    When I first got together with my man , I knew he had a problem with alcohol. We started dating about a year ago and both decided to stop drinking and start working out together. That’s how the relationship started. I had a problem with booze but not nearly as bad as he did, but I also grew up in a very drunken, abusive household and wanted to just rid my life of the stuff. When we were just friends, and when things would get bad, he would have a bottle in his bed and drink until he passed out. He detoxed many times on his own and has gone to AA on and off for years. His dad (who is dying of cancer) just got released from prison on his 10th DUI and went straight back to the bottle. This triggered so many things for my boyfriend. I feel like he is so terrified of becoming his dad that he doesn’t know what else to do but hide his emotions in the only thing that would make him more like his dad, drinking. We went a full 6 months sober and had a routine going, but stuff with his dad happened and he started drinking again. He told me he has this switch inside him to just “not give a fuck” and will just do whatever he is going to do. He told me that this has been a lifelong problem and it isn’t going to go away. He says he isn’t good enough for me and that he will never be able to live a normal life. I am just so sad and disappointed because for 6 months, he did it. For the first time, he was able to stay sober for a period of time longer than a few days. At this point I don’t want to walk away and give up on him, but I feel like he needs professional help instead of just talking to me about it. I’m going to suggest we both go to AA, if not for anything but to be around people in similar situations. Any advice would be very helpful.

    Bill Lee

    Hi Kaelyn,

    I’m sure you know that your partner needs to commit to his recovery for himself. At this point, if he doesn’t think he’s good enough for you, then it’s doubtful he feels that he deserves to be clean and sober. Whether or not your partner agrees to return to the fellowship, the best thing you can do is to go for yourself. You will receive support for your addiction and guidance on the issues with your partner.

    Peace & Blessings,



    Hi Kaelyn,

    You have 2 choices at this point:

    1) Stay with your bf and hope for the best.
    2) Leave.

    Odds are it is going to be an uphill battle for your boyfriend to stay sober ! You need to figure out if you can live without him OR live with him being an alcoholic.

    May GOD’s grace guide you !

    Big blue

    Hi Kaelyn,

    It’s tragic when a person is caught with this terrible thing.

    My dad. My dad was untreated, kept it somewhat together and stuck it out the great generation way. It was no picnic for our family. He died of other causes at an old age.

    You have to take care of yourself, and as an adult you have choices.

    Unless you are codependent. Are you, and if so are you getting help yourself? If not you’ll stick with him even if you are harmed, or you’ll find someone else like him if you do leave.

    I just re-read my response and it is rightly sobering and I mean that very seriously.

    Big blue

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Big blue.
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