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Dealing with a narcissistic father must be tough, exhausting, and defeating. A lot of work in establishing self-love and acceptance is needed to not let the way he treated you affect you in such a strong way anymore. While you are experiencing this anger, I would suggest creative outlets if you have some you are privy to or trying some you have always wanted to try. Also feel the pain; scream, cry, write a letter to him(that you never send). It is scary to feel the pain and I know it is easier said than done but to fully be liberated from it, it has to be felt and that core belief that he created in you that you are unworthy and that your feelings aren’t valid is just plain wrong. I also think it’d be great for you to meditate upon your heart and to tap into the love that sits inside of there waiting for you to reclaim it 🙂
Best of luck,
I can totally relate to your experience. The feeling of just trying and trying to release the trauma , detach from it, accept it. I by no means am an expert or have completely found the solution myself but a previously twisted relationship and it’s pains has taught me how to deal with the pain and trauma. I realized trying can get in the way , by living in the emotions you are still giving them power. Try traveling deeper , to the core, to the beliefs that you hold about yourself and others. Remember darling you are a beautiful being of love and your relationship effective you to that extent because of how deeply you love and feel. When anger comes, give it love. When pain comes, give it love; say to it: I know you are hurt beyond belief, here is my love. If it helps picture you hugging the painful parts , accepting them and forgiving yourself for allowing an unstable and suffering man to come in your life and parade his way through your self esteem. Your wounds will heal and you will be stronger and much more deeply rooted in divine love. Always remember the oneness that you are; this too shall pass.