I don’t know.

I am hanging on to hope. I am trying my best to have patience, it’s been one week. I don’t call him, nag him, I message him maybe once a day, letting him be the one to contact me. I’m giving him time and space to work on his stuff. He met with his therapist on Friday and I don’t know how that went, I hope he has another appointment soon.

This weekend went. Saturday I went hiking by myself, he took his kids canoeing. Sunday I went to lunch and a movie my myself and later went for a walk on the beach. He sent me photos off and on over the weekend of what all they did which was nice of him to do. I miss all of them so much. I keep hoping that the kids and going to say, “wheres bricklady?! Why didn’t we go here with her to … or … this weekend like we talked about? Why isn’t she coming over?” So we can spend some time together.

I am trying so hard to have faith in that what we are doing isn’t the stupidest thing in the world. I don’t know if I need to work on having no expectations when it comes to him. Something to ask my therapist when I see her today I suppose.

I was dating myself for a few years. I had been married from 2002-2005, had one long term relationship from June 2006 until November 2009. I took for me them I dated someone from April 2012 to March 2015. Then I was tired of dating others I took myself to dinner, movies, concerts, hiking, etc. I had never dated anyone with young children. I was working and doing stuff I liked to fill the time I guess. I missed being in a relationship but I never met anyone in that I connected with until I met my guy.

The marriage didn’t work out because we were so young (I was 22 when we got married) but primarily he he was emotionally and financially abusive and no amount of counseling worked to save it. He got numerous loans in my name and ran us into major debt.

The first long term relationship didn’t last because he was just out of college and he travelled a lot for work. He was almost never in town and the relationship faltered and ended.

The Second long term relationship ended because he didn’t want to have a family of any sort. His only child was an adult and that was enough for him. He wasn’t even interested in having a dog.

I am closer to the younger kids than the older daughter. It’s not that we disagreed but more that we never sat down and had an adult conversation about how he & the kids make me happy and I make them happy.

I like that! It’s actually because I really like Lego. But Lego also need reinforcements to withstand pressure, so it applies.

I didn’t have any contact with him yesterday and he messaged me first thing this morning to ask how I am doing and if everything was okay. He said he “is getting a handle on what’s going on. Or trying to at least.” But he didn’t go into detail and I didn’t ask. We have messaged a good bit this morning about a variety of things.

I did speak with our mutual friend and told him my thoughts on how the oldest daughter is trying to be head of the house. He said that he is starting to notice that as well and does not believe it is good. He doesn’t know how to address it (neither do I.)

So today, is way better than yesterday. I see my therapist on Monday afternoon and I am sticking with what she told me Tuesday. “Don’t ask when can you see the kids or him. He knows you want to. Let him be the one to contact you.” So I am taking deep breaths and planning my weekend for me.

Hi, I’m okay this evening, how are you?. I exercised and am settling in with a book.

He has a legal aged daughter and two minors. It is more complicated than I thought as well. I guess I could had sat down with her initially and had a chat about me not trying to replace their mom, wanting to be friends, and how can we work together, etc but we never did that.

It’s a pickle.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by bricklady.

Thank you! It definitely helps me to process whats going on and even if it get me through the anxiety of that one moment of the day It helps.

He and I have been in contact, I am giving him his time and space that he requested and I know he sees that I am respecting him.

I spoke to my therapist today about his older daughter, how she speaks to him, treats him which is horrible and demeaning. She suggested that I mention to our mutual friends about how his older daughter speaks and treats him. But it goes back to how he needs to work on dealing with conflict, which he does not do well with. It makes me wonder if his ex wife spoke to him the way his oldest daughter does, if they ganged up on him together. I know he sees that how his daughter treats him, but he fears conflict so he buries his head and hides from it. If I said anything I don’t think he would process what I say, but coming from his best friends he might process it. His oldest daughter has a large influence on him, positive once in a while, but more on the negative side in my opinion. She is living at home until December 2018. This is something I think we will be dealing with for a while.

Yesterday was hard. He sent photos throughout the day of what he and the kids were doing which did help and we texted a little last night. I think I will have to get some sort of routine going to help me fill my time and get stronger.

Mondays, movie or walking.
Tuesdays & Weds work late go home and crash
Thursdays dinner with friends.
Friday, walking
Saturday and sunday will be the worst. Lunch with friends, clean the house, movies, play pinball, hiking, anything to fill the time.

Change has always been hard for me and this is throwing me for a loop.

Hello again!

I met with a new therapist for me Friday morning what a world of difference! I felt stronger and had questions for when I met my guy yesterday.

He and I talked for several hours yesterday about where he is in his head. He’s lost. He is finally processing that his exwife selfishly abandoned him and his kids. He’s upping his own therapist appintments. He is not cutting me out of his life. We are remaining friends, best friends first and foremost. And we are also slowing things way down. I’m not going to go out there as often nor will stay as long.

We talked about what he can say to his kids, “daddy is taking some time right now to think about everything that has happened this past year. I am still friends with bricklady, as you are. You can call, email, text her at anytime. And we will see her soon”

It was super freaking hard unpacking all my stuff last night. He gave it all back to me and said probably 20+ times that it was so I could have my things while he takes this time to work on himself. That he wants/hopes it will be all back over at his house.

So I have a lot more hope than I did earlier this week. It’s going to be hard changing the routine of not being with that family for a while. I need to work on ways to be supportive and not smothering. He was so surprised that I was like, “you need time, no problem. Take it. I support this 1000%. I want you to work through this and be happier. There is no time table on how long this will take.”