Hi Katie,

I’m going to suggest something that may seem contrary to what has been said here. I hope it comes in useful. It sounds like your mum has a very fixed view about what is acceptable and what is not. Much of it stems from her love and in that sense, she’s not the “bad guy”. Having said that, neither are you a “bad guy”. I understand what you are going through, on the one hand, you need to live your life and pursue your dreams but on the other hand, you don’t want to desert your mum (and your brother). But, I wonder, is it an either/or? Is it possible for you to chase your dreams and at the same time be there for your mum and your brother? It’s clear that while your mum wants you to chase your dream, she also needs you because she feels that it is wrong not to take care of your brother within the family.

I can’t remember where exactly I got this from, but if you read or listen to Anthony Robbins or Arnold Schwarzenegger on YouTube or anyone like that, about how to chase your dream and be successful, you will find these principles as well:

1. Think big – don’t just think about what you can do with your life, but imagine a bright future for all of you. That you being successful and chasing your dream will also mean a better time for your mum and your brother. Include your family in your dream, not in terms of you having to take constant care of them, but more in terms of how all of you can live a better life if you chase your dream, fulfil yourself, be as best as you can be. Share this dream with them. Make it a common dream, not you or them, but together. After all, is not family the best thing? Isn’t it easier if all of you were to work towards a shared dream? Easier even than for you to be on your own and chasing just your dream?

2. Believe in yourself – believe that you can achieve more than just “escape” the constrains you now feel. You can help your family break through too. You can do more than you think. Your family is not a burden, they are your support, your inspiration, your reason to work hard, follow your dream with passion, with everything you have. You are doing this not just for yourself, but for your mum, and your brother, too. Maybe even your father as well.

3. You will find a way – you have the resources to find a way. If one way fail, try another. You will find a way, you will make a way, you will invent a way. It will come to you. Just believe and keep trying. There are many options you haven’t thought about, haven’t considered. It can be done, you can do it. No one can show you the way. We all have to solve our own problems and find our own way through. We all have to rely on our own resources. It’s not about being smart, or knowledgeable, or rich, or anything else but about just persevering and believing in yourself. Believe in yourself and you will be surprised by what you can achieve.

4. Be kind – to yourself and your family. It sounds like you are all just struggling because your mum insists on being there and looking after your brother. This is not, in itself, wrong. And maybe it would have been better if you guys were able to teach your brother to look after himself better, be more independent. But what is past is past. You need to look to the future. Be loving and kind to yourself, and your family. But be strong. You cannot go on like this, and you don’t want to go on like this. You need to find a good solution to your problem and you can. It is not either/or, you can have both. It will take time, and lots of love. But isn’t the goal worth it?

Think bigger, and go for it.