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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • in reply to: Apparently Friendless #220531
    Friendly
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Yes, I think you boiled it all down very succinctly. Thank you for re-writing and processing that. I helps me, as well to see it processed that way.

    So yes, I guess deep down, I wonder what is my significance? And why do I feel like the only one in the world who has this problem?

    in reply to: Apparently Friendless #220529
    Friendly
    Participant

    Dear Prash,

    You brought up many good points; thank you again for your help and supportive discussion.

    I would not feel comfortable bringing it up – I don’t think I could ever be this vulnerable with friends I don’t get to see often. And unless we’re together at our annual meeting, they don’t really check in with me. At least they haven’t lately. As I was thinking about this, I realized that it’s really just one friend who’s been giving me the cold shoulder. Her father died earlier this year and I know she’s had some emotional burden. Although I do feel that may have something to do with it, it’s hard for me because she has obviously not ignored our other friends. I decided to suck it up and text her again today, despite her non-response the past couple of texts. She responded very technically, answering my question, but not inquiring about my plans. When I replied with what I was thinking she didn’t respond. I’m absolutely sure now that something has changed in our friendship and that she doesn’t value mine. I do remember one of our mutual friends saying the same thing a couple years ago jokingly and in passing, that she thought this friend didn’t like her anymore. Maybe she’s just got her own issues?

    I will take all your great advice to heart and practice it. Look for new friendships and do more to build myself up without others and not write off friends I don’t feel are friends at this vulnerable time.

    I’ve been thinking about neuroplasticity and whether I could work – via meditation, self-care, journaling  to provide myself with the emotional comforts that social connections provide. Whether that same area of the brain could be activated via self-compassion. I guess aside from my feelings of sadness about losing friends/acquaintances is a fear that the brain changes that rejection creates will change me in a negative way. I don’t want to become bitter and closed-off, the way I responded to rejection as a teenager….

    Thank you again for listening! 🙂

     

    in reply to: Apparently Friendless #219977
    Friendly
    Participant

    Dear Prash,

    Thank you for writing and sharing your thoughts.

    What you wrote does make sense. I can definitely see the inconsistencies. I guess I can understand how that could create a change in how friends view me. I’ve never been great at keeping in touch – at least not with calls and letters or email. But I’m great with text :). I also think my good friends would understand that I’m now more available to communicate now that I’m living in the same country and no longer killing myself doing doctorate program. I’ve even gone to visit all of them individually. I think the biggest change has been this past year.  And that’s a change in my self-having trouble moving ahead into my profession and subsequently feeling a lack in self confidence. (I often wonder how my self-esteem has been on downward spiral since high school!). I think maybe this could tie in with everything I’m experiencing in friendships. I need their validation now more than ever, but due to timing or whatever, it’s just not as important to them in their lives?

    I apologize that I keep adding in additional thoughts rambling through my head.

    I’m wondering if things have changed and I’m no longer important to them, if I actually try to hold on to the friendships or just let them go.

    in reply to: Will I be single forever? #219975
    Friendly
    Participant

    Hi Connie,

    I Just noticed your post title and just wanted to say, I can Totally relate to everything you wrote-minus the part about getting out and meeting people.

    I have met a few people who do find their partners-sometimes in their 70’s, which keeps me hopeful, but thoughts of being a lonely old lady also sometimes enter my thoughts.

    From what you wrote, I just had this hunch that it’s all in the timing. Right now you’re comfortable being without a partner and working on yourself, and you aren’t pining away for a relationship. You’re also taking the initiative to meet people. It’s not really advice, but based on that, I’d say you’re gonna find your person. Timing is everything and for some reason (or for many reasons) it just hasn’t been your time.. yet. 🙂

    Wishing you love and hope and continued passion for improving yourself!

    in reply to: Apparently Friendless #219925
    Friendly
    Participant

    Dear Amita,

    Oh my goodness, you are too kind. Thank you for your compassion and thoughtfulness and your willingness to help and share perspective.

     

    in reply to: Apparently Friendless #219895
    Friendly
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I’d have to say, yes, that I have shared that with all my friends. I tend to have more good close friends than acquaintances. One on one I’d consider myself a great supportive friend and I had a good number of friends who I believed I could count on if I needed something. I think I always relied on my core group of college friends (3 others) to always be there for me.

    We are all supposed to meet up in the town one of my friends lives in next month. I know that I’m still friends with them, but I guess I feel like I could just not show and no one would really care – well, I’m better friends with one and I know she would care. I’ve come to that conclusion based on my thoughts that I would reply to text messages from one of them if I hadn’t been in contact via social media to stay caught up. Yet they don’t, so either their priorities on friends is just different than mine, or I’m no longer of concern to them. I battle between these thoughts and trying not to take things personally.

    in reply to: Apparently Friendless #219893
    Friendly
    Participant

    Hi Prash,

    I’d consider myself a friendly person who can get along with everyone. In college I was a social-butterfly and have probably become less so in the past couple decades, but still like people. I happen to live in a very family oriented community where people usually only socialize with their kids and other people who have kids, so I don’t really have a social life, given that I don’t have kids.

    I have moved every few years and always seem to have to socialize with people much younger than I, who also don’t have kids. But those relationships haven’t been able to endure long-distance.

    Maybe I just feel like I’m in the same social mindset that I was when I was younger and everyone else has moved on to other things?

    My main concern is my friendship with my core college friends, which seems to be non-existent these days. We are all meeting up next month and I’m wondering if I should even bother to go.

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)