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Chris

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  • #325299

    Chris
    Participant

    My grandma raised me, along with my mom.  I am so sorry for your situation.  You are not selfish, but you do need to let her go, and give her permission if you can.  It was so hard for me to tell my grandma that it was ok to go.  She had had a major stroke that took everything but her life.  She was bed bound, unable to speak or eat, and lived for about 4 months following the stroke. Shortly after we told her it was ok, she passed.

    You described your grief as very dark, and I experienced the same thing.  I panicked when I first felt that dark void.  Prior to experiencing grief from the loss of a person in my life, I thought it was simply deep sadness.  You will get through it!  She will be close to you after she passes.  She will.  My suggestion would be to find a good psychic medium, and you will see that she is still right there, just no longer  inhabiting her body.  She will always look out for you and love you, in this life and the next.

    I lost my darling boyfriend to cancer three years ago.  The grief that I felt from that loss was so intense, that I didn’t feel I would survive it.  YOU WILL.   There is a good web site called What’s Your Grief, run by two young widows.  They are wonderful and offer lots of information for you to work with.  I guess the best thing I got there was information on how to have a healthy relationship with someone who has passed.  I was delighted, realizing that I was still in a relationship with him, and I wanted it to be good.

    These words to you come from someone who has some distance from the loss.  I hope I have been helpful.  Please keep reaching out, here and where you are comfortable getting support.  You deserve support and love in everything you do in life.

    Peace,

    Chris

     

     

    #324907

    Chris
    Participant

    Thank you, Brandy..being heard and acknowledged really helps.  I know I need to share this with some friends, and with my brother and my ex-husband.  Tim wouldn’t greet his female peers that way.  If he did, he would be swiftly checked.  These young people are in the phase of life where there are lots of marriages, careers progressing….it is not a raucous group where this would be acceptable.

    I find myself regretting that I was not more powerful at the time.  That ranges from confronting him, to giving him a hard slap across the face.  I know I have a right to feel angry.  I guess I need to sit with that anger and accept that it is there, and see what comes.  I know that however I move forward, I don’t want regret over any future actions.  Thanks again.  Really helpful reply.

     

    Chris

    #324823

    Chris
    Participant

    Hi, Anita,

    That would have been one of my questions to him.  I think I recall my son explaining that he was drunk, but that doesn’t seem like a good reason, and he didn’t seem overly intoxicated to me.  I feel that it is well understood by males and females that this is a term meant to show deep disrespect.

    It is so odd, I feel that I need to tell you that I am a very supportive parent, have a great relationship with my ex-husband (the father of my son – I am having him and my mother in law for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow), I am an accomplished professional and very generous.  I hosted and paid for my son’s wedding.  I gave them a sizeable down payment for their home, and have given my daughter in law money to pay her tuition.  I volunteer at a children’s teaching farm, plant trees for a land conservancy…it is odd, because I feel like I need to defend who I am.  I am so ashamed about this!  I know I have a right to be angry, but I am stuck there.

    I think I need to see my therapist.  I have a good person that I have worked with off and on over the years.

    I appreciate your kind response.

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