Dear Anita,

I realize I posted this first in a different topic and did not delete properly. Now I have it only here!

Thank you so much for your response and personal anecdotes. I really appreciate someone and coming out and dissecting this and even giving their OWN personal information and experiences. I like that I am able to openly admit out loud that this isn’t just a nuisance, or “crazy wedding planning stress” or a bad week or month, this is a PROBLEM.
funny you said distance, for the FIRST time in my entire life my mother and I haven’t spoken to each other in days, and that may not sound like a big thing for some people – but our fight was so epic she told my sister and I to leave because she couldn’t take us harassing her anymore (we were all home for wedding planning, my fiance was outside). my fiance gets home and sees this all and sayd what happened – to which we say lets leave.

anyway clearly this is affecting everyone. sometimes i feel that she is a patient, and so should I not care for her as I do for other patients with patience and care (I am a physician). on the other side i see what is more disturbing is not her and her thoughts – but more me and what IVE become. how i feel distorted negative, and just plain off a lot, the more i’ve gotten older. that is a sign to me that as she gets worse, i get worse ( and my sister) and as above the damged is becoming mmore damaging.

she feels quite alone in the world, but these days has my dad as an alliance, more friends than 20 years ago, and lots of opportunity to stay busy. which i do feel better about, but with that was a lot of PROJECTIng.
MY Sister was home one day a year ago, and my mothers family friends were coming over and she says to my sister : maybe you should leave the house for a bit, we don’t want it to look like you’re home doing nothing to them. case in point, inability to focus on important things, she was so caught up in finally not being lonely anymore that now that she isn’t she wants to feverishly “make sure” my sister is not. and my sister was fine, she was a normal 23 year old at home without plans because she isn’t always extroverted. mmy mother created a lot of anxiety about friendships in her, especially bc she is 7 years my junior and so grew up in moree of that phase of life.
i was luckily to come out of adolescence relatively unscathed by a lot of it.

i find it extremely difficult to accept the only way to cope is to cut off ties, but it seems that may be the only solution. there is absolutely no reasoning with her, and now even my father for that matter – it seems they have morphed into one because a lot of their discord over the years has brought them close together in the “if we don’t stick together and stand up strong then who will.”

my younger sister suffers more than me shes 24, and finding it difficult to feel – are my parents this ill? wow how much have a struggled my whole life – she appears to have developed quite an anxiety disorder into teens and now – which i can attribute to genetics perhaps andd of course this up bringing.

i work so hard in career and personal life, stay fit, do yoga, have great friends – but funny thing is- my fiance mentioned it too – it always feels like there is sommething wrong – and now it makes sense – because there is – because I have lived a life around this sort of energy –of course there is something wrong!