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January 13, 2014 at 11:40 am in reply to: Difficult situation, difficult to find a way out… #49048SimonParticipant
Thanks for all your responses – I have learnt a lot and it’s nice to hear your positive comments. I have taken the brave step and told her I will have to move on without her. It hurts, and it’s hard as I really want to show love and care, but it’s hard when you don’t get it in return. I am also seriously considering quitting my job (I still work at the college she went to – and will return to at some stage, and that other guy is still around) and moving out into London. It’s something I have wanted to do for years and years, but have never had the courage to just go for it.
As a musician, it is always a risk as there are no guaranteed jobs out there, you have to keep searching for the ‘next job’ and hope you can pay the rent at the end of the week – as well as survive!
But I am nearly 30… so… well, if I don’t take the risk, I will never know whether I can do it or not. Fingers crossed.
Time to move on from everything… yikes! =)January 11, 2014 at 7:29 am in reply to: Difficult situation, difficult to find a way out… #48911SimonParticipant
Thanks for your replies – I do appreciate them!
Eliza – yes, that’s exactly how it feels! Seems like you have been through a horrible experience too. It shakes you and makes you wonder if you can ever trust another person again. But you are right, it seems I must cut her from my life, which is very difficult but with everything that has happened, I guess I have no choice. It feels like she didn’t like what happened to her, but she wants to blame me for something rather than take all the responsibility and associates me with all the ‘mistakes’ she made at a time when she was not herself… it’s like I have to ‘take the fall’ so to speak. I’ll have a look for that book though – thanks for the recommendation!
Memm – You are right, I do have standards, and when I feel something isn’t right, I do stand up – even if I’m made to feel like it is wrong. However, the odd thing is that we have known one another since late 2010, didn’t actually date until mid 2011, and made things official in mid 2012! So we’d known one another for a long time before making the commitment. Pre-relationship, she did do nice things for me, paid for things she said she would, and was very sweet, kind, caring and considerate – all values I admire. But when we made it official, that sort of changed. She wanted to ‘treat’ me to a long weekend in London for my birthday and assured me she had the money… but I ended up having to pay for almost everything. I didn’t think that was right. I still don’t. But I’m being made to feel I was ‘uncaring’ and that I didn’t understand.
She had a lot of values I admire – I know for a fact I would not have dated her if I was unsure in any way. I’m sure you feel the same way when I say that when you are 25+ and have yet to have any kind of a relationship, you can go one of two ways. Get into bad relationships by dating anyone who shows you attention – or value yourself and think that the first girl you have a relationship with will be someone spectacular. I believed in the latter.
Looking back, I fear she was a little naive – she had a lot of attention and, I think, gave guys false opinions she was interested in them. This ‘Guy’ who I thought was my friend was obsessed with her in my opinion. She just didn’t show herself any care and let him have his way… and didn’t think about me. And I know that says a lot about her ‘love’ for me.
I’d love to find people who are like me, but I live in the middle of nowhere in a place where I feel nobody really gets me or likes what I like. She did – which was a pleasant surprise – but so many others just seem to want to go out and get drunk and I have absolutely no interest in doing that to my body.
I guess you could say I feel a bit “stuck”.