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    I honestly think it’s a little of both. I think there are genetic factors that play into it (particularly from my mom), but I think it’s also a direct result of how I learned to interact with the world. I didn’t learn a healthy way of looking at or doing things. All I had for role models were my parents which, as you can tell, weren’t the best people to imitate.

    Yes, I think that’s about it.

    I think you’re right about the whole taking-time-to-unwind thing. My OCD makes is extremely difficult for me to relax, especially in my current situation. I live in an apartment, and I’m constantly worrying about whether or not I’m being too loud. My upstairs neighbors are also pretty loud, so I’m always waiting for them to start up again.

    I’ve tried painting, crocheting, journaling, drawing, and a few other things, but none have really helped me relax. The only time I find I’m truly relaxed is when I’m asleep (when I’m not having nightmares, that is). Do you have any recommendations on how I can find something to relax me that will actually work?

    I’ll definitely check out that video when I get home from work!

    Thank you both for your responses! 🙂



    I’m not even kidding you when I say that my situation was almost exactly what you’re talking about. My dad was almost exactly like your mom, and my mom and grandmother was like your dad. They saw the physical and mental/emotional abuse my father put me and my brother through, yet they just turned the other way. That gave me such an inferiority complex, too; clearly I’m less than dirt because my own family doesn’t even care to protect me.

    I sometimes have dreams of my dad sexually abusing me, but I’m not really sure that happened. To be honest, I just can’t remember.

    The don’t-speak-unless-spoken-to thing resonates, too. When I first moved in with him, my husband would ask me why I’m so quiet and why I always ended every sentence with, “I’m sorry.” I began to wonder, too, and that was the first time in my 18 (almost 19) years of life that I realized I was abused.

    I thought about killing myself and my parents multiple times, too. I thought, “God, it would be so much easier if I/they were dead.” My dad was/is also a major alcoholic, and he almost got arrested for it once. I remember sitting in the car, shaking and praying that he would go to jail so that the abuse would stop.

    I’m not sure if this helps you at all, but just know you’re not alone. I have CPTSD from my ordeal, too, and I know how hard it is. The important thing to remember is that you are worth it. You’re worth being alive to see yourself getting better. You’re worth putting those people and those memories behind you. I’m so sorry you couldn’t trust the people closest to you, and I know that’s one of the most awful things a person can endure.

    Just stay strong and remember that you are in control of your life now, not your family.


    First of all, I am so sorry about what happened to you. That’s one of the worst things to go through, and I can only imagine what you’re feeling.

    I’ve cut ties with my whole family before due to various reasons, and it honestly made me feel a lot better. I didn’t feel any pressure to constantly text/call them like they wanted, and I just felt free.

    If you’re serious about it, I would suggest blocking them on Facebook (if you have one) and changing your phone number. It seems extreme, but that’s what worked for me. Also keep in mind that, if you have other family with whom your mom is close, she may use them to get to you. My mom did that; she used my brother (who I didn’t remove from Facebook) to see what I was doing, and I ultimately had to block him, too.

    It’s not a bad thing, just be sure that this is what you want before you do it. I’m rooting for you!

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