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Cutting ties with my Mother… help!

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  • #122819
    Kelsey Neighbors
    Participant

    I was 5 years old when I met my step father… I was 18 years old when he first asked me to take my bra off because ‘my mom wasn’t home.’
    He has made me feel uncomfortable and sexually harassed me twice since then.
    When I was 21 I moved away, finally told my mom, she acted like she cared that night, and then the next night decided that my step dad was ‘joking’ when those situations happened and that I shouldn’t take it so seriously.

    I am now 23 years old and this situation is one of the only road blocks I have from being the best me I can be. The pain and violation from this situation is now leaking into my relationships with men and I have woken up to the fact that I cannot suppress these feelings anymore. My mom and step dad both know that we all know, and nobody talks about it. I live on the other side of the country but whenever I’m “home” I feel uncomfortable and like there is a huge elephant in the room.

    Yesterday I finally got the courage to express how I feel.. I explained to my mom that I love her, and would like her to support me through this and that I am not okay. She said,” Its not like he raped you,” and asked me why I’m being so emotional. She said that he has a story of what happened that is different than mine and she “would rather just not deal with it at all because it sucks.”

    I don’t feel love from her and I am thinking of cutting ties with her altogether.

    thoughts? help? advice?
    any love would help at this point.

    #122820
    Danielle
    Participant

    First of all, I am so sorry about what happened to you. That’s one of the worst things to go through, and I can only imagine what you’re feeling.

    I’ve cut ties with my whole family before due to various reasons, and it honestly made me feel a lot better. I didn’t feel any pressure to constantly text/call them like they wanted, and I just felt free.

    If you’re serious about it, I would suggest blocking them on Facebook (if you have one) and changing your phone number. It seems extreme, but that’s what worked for me. Also keep in mind that, if you have other family with whom your mom is close, she may use them to get to you. My mom did that; she used my brother (who I didn’t remove from Facebook) to see what I was doing, and I ultimately had to block him, too.

    It’s not a bad thing, just be sure that this is what you want before you do it. I’m rooting for you!

    #122843
    anita
    Participant

    Dear kdizzle:

    I support you in cutting contact with both your step father and mother. Then attend therapy to help you deal with this cutting of contact because it is not easy. I cut all contact with my mother three years ago and wished I did it thirty years ago.

    Your mother’s reaction to your sexual abuse by her husband is completely wrong, offensive and unacceptable.

    Post more, anytime.

    anita

    #122859
    Kelsey Neighbors
    Participant

    Thank you both! I appreciate your kind words and wisdom.
    I cut ties with her and I feel free, I feel like I’m being honest and real and that I have a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
    Therapy would be awesome but i just can’t afford it.

    #122860
    anita
    Participant

    Dear kdizzle:

    Congratulations for cutting contact with your mother. It is the right thing for you to do. If you feel distress over it (even though it is the right thing to do), please post here again, for more “kind words and wisdom”!

    anita

    #123530
    BenzRabbit
    Participant

    Hi kdizzle,

    Glad you are trying to move on from the painful experiences of the past!

    You mentioned you cannot afford therapy – here is the link to a site that should help you:
    http://www.aftersilence.org/

    Wishing you much peace and happiness going forward!!

    God bless!!!

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