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Aura

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  • October 18, 2017 at 4:55 pm #173797
    Aura
    Participant

    Dear Melissa, thanks for your insight as well, it is very understanding of my current situation. I think I was going too extreme by thinking in marriage or breakup, talking to a friend today and reading all the replies here has given me some light and I think what I need is time to work on myself. In the end, the problem is me – my fiance did not change, he’s still the guy I fell in love with and more, and my mother’s opinions are just that, but I’m taking them too deeply.

    Thanks also for the article- I’ll be sure to give it a read and meditate on it!

     

    October 18, 2017 at 4:48 pm #173795
    Aura
    Participant

    Dear Anita, thank you for your honest and insightful reply. I regret stopping my therapy back in university, my lack of dissociation from my mother is quite in fact the problem the therapist mentionned to be the most important one I had to work on. I feel like my man is not the problem, it’s the fact that, whichever man I bring into the family could take me to an unhappy relationship and even marriage if I never establish the limits.

    I think the wisest and less impulsive choice will be to ask my fiance for time, take a step back so I can work on this issue, and go back to psychotherapy. As for now, you and Melissa gave me a lot of information to start my mental journey and I can already feel some peace and hope after this peril.

    October 18, 2017 at 10:39 am #173741
    Aura
    Participant

    Hello Lester, I gotta say I have been in your position too, with my first ex. I was raised in a very traditional environment and as a woman I was told to “save” my virginity for after marriage, so I really wanted a guy who had no sex past either, I thought it was only fair that if I had kept myself “clean”, my boyfriend should too. However, after losing virginity I became a lot more open minded about it. I felt I lost nothing that made me any less of a person, and thus, a partner with a sexual past wouldn’t have lost any value either.

    I’d like asking you a few questions first:

    Are your feelings out of judgement, or out of jealousy? Judgement would be as in, you think poorly of people with a sexual past before marriage. Jealousy would be, you would have liked being her first.

    In any of both scenarios, have you clear why you feel this way? Why do you think poorly of people with a sex past, or why are you jealous? Are you afraid of being compared to her exes?

    Lastly, and just for extra info and if you don’t mind me asking… do you have a sexual past yourself?

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