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Howard CParticipantHi Deb
Thanks for your message.
I will not initiate contact from me. I told her that my door(heart) is always open and she is always free to enter it when she wants and if she wants and on her terms.
I only love her and have never feel anything bitter in my heart towards her. I love her and set her free, and always praying for her happiness.
I do understand how you feel when you said that you are suffering from depression. Me too. I can empathize with you.
In fact, I once attempted suicide about 21 years ago (off course I will not attempt suicide again, so I know what pain is, deep deep pain.
I will pray that all goes well with you! Be strong for your family and your loved onesHoward
Howard CParticipantHi Singh,
Thanks very much for your reply. Happy to hear from you. I am sorry to hear about your job interview, but when I read your story, I remembered 2 true life experiences that I like to share with you
1. Someone I knew could not get a job as an airline pilot at first and he have to work as a bus driver in the airport. On top of that, he have a family, financial commitments etc that make it hard for him to pursue his dream of becoming a pilot. He never gave up, work many jobs (one of them as an airport bus driver) At last he became an Airbus first officer, at the age of 41 or 43! (cannot remember) at his age, many people will tell him that he is too old for that, but he never gave up and his dream came true!2. Another person I knew, applied for a cadet pilot (trainee with no experience) for a major airline. Got rejected first time, disappointed off course, never gave up, after his “failed interview” he work hard for the next whole year to improve his knowledge and skills, study for his flight license (with his own money), the following year, he apply for the position again to the same company, and they remembered him (have records of him attending interview previous year), they asked him why he is applying again and he did the past year, he told them what he did to improve/better himself, that he always have passion for aviation. At last he got accepted due to his determination and passion.
So Singh, if you really want the job, never give up, try again! Passion never dies. I am praying for you and hope to hear good news from you
As for me, I am still hurting after this 7 months, trying to maintain No Contact as much as I can. We have the same circle of friends and go to same class, so sometimes have to contact. Try not to initiate contact from me as I need to give myself time to heal and also respect her wish for space. But when she do contact, replied kindly to her. that’s all
No contact also gave me a chance to face and deal with the many traumas I had in the past and have helped me to be a person with more empathy for others.What I have realized all this time is that although the emotional attachments or relationships with someone we love might be over (even temporarily, we do not know the future), true and unconditional love never dies, even if for now we cannot meet and be with the person
I will always love her, wish that she is happy, always praying for her. The memories never dies and the spiritual connections never dies.
I now know what true and unconditional love is, despite the situation and whatever happens.I wished all the best for you Singh. Always praying for you that things will get better for you
Howard
Howard CParticipantHi Singh,
It have been a long time, how are you my friend?I am still struggling and hurting from my backup this past 6 months…
Howard
Howard CParticipantHi Singh
How are you my friend?
Thanks very much for asking and for your concern
This 1.5 months have been a rocky one for me, lots of pain, crying, fears, grief etc almost everyday. But thanks to my faith and practice as a Buddhist and positive friends around me, I am coping well.
I am now learning to be happy even when I am alone. Taking each day at a time, not worry about what will happen in the future (and I do get anxious about the future). Trying to to do things that is positive. Example: I find that I can forget about my own problems and pain by making people around me happy (smiling at them, encouraging them, lending a helping hand etc) that makes me happy and peaceful. I cannot explain well here, but it works….
I recently got in contact with my ex girlfriend. We are now meeting sometimes and trying to enjoy the time we spend (movie, nice dinner, taking walks, talking etc). I do not know what will happen (honestly I hope we can get back together), but trying not to worry about anything now and just enjoying and treasuring the time that I can be with her. Not giving her any pressure and just let things improve slowly (and trusting everything to the Buddha). Doing what I can to make her happy and make it a positive environment when we meet.
How are things with you my friend? Let me know how it goes, I am praying for youHi Amul
Thanks for the information on your website. Hope it can bring encouragement to peopleThanks
HowardHoward CParticipantHi Tyler
I can understand your pain. I broke up with my ex girlfriend one month ago.
Do not blame yourself for what you have done, but instead, reflect on them and try to change yourself, even a little at a time, for your own sake and for your girlfriend.
I think you can write her an email or hand-written letter to tell her that you are sorry and how much she meant to you and that she is special. Be kind and gentle in the letter(or email), do not give her any pressure, no guilt. Be honest with your feeling but write in a way that does not give pressure or blame.
Be honest but do not make yourself sounds desperate, now (in this letter at least) is not the time to tell her that you miss her so much you want to make love or you want to hug her(just an example here). But you can tell her you miss her because she is special in your life.
Show your gratitude to her in the letter, thank her for even the smallest things, example: the breakfast she cooked, how she helped to choose your clothes when you guys go for shopping. Again, be kind & positive in the letter, nothing heavy that will make her feel uncomfortable or confused
Tell her that you will always be there for her and she can contact you anytime when she need to.
After the letter, give her some space to think and recover, it is ok (and sometimes necessary) to have no contact for a few days or even weeks. And if you you do contact her or see her, send short “How are you?” “Everything OK?” “All the best in your work” type of emails to show that you care. If you do see/meet her, give her a warm smile, and a gentle greeting. Again, nothing heavy that will make her uncomfortableI believe she have feelings for you, you just need to be kind and gentle to her, and give her time. I believe time and sincerity and your love.
This is just my own opinion.
Now that you are alone, use this time to polish and improve yourself (and change)
I hope and pray that everything will turn out for both of youLets us know how it goes. All the best
Howard
Howard CParticipantHi Marblewings & Singh
It is so wonderful that in times of our own pains and sufferings that we can support each other, encourage each other and even (I really hope) can bring a smile in everyone’s hearts.
I am going through a roller coaster ride myself, exactly as Marblewings described
But I managed to go through all the storms now, all thanks to your support and Buddhas’ help
Just like the name of this site, lets all be a “Buddha” (whether tiny or big) to everyone around us and let us polish that joy!Howard
Howard CParticipantHi Zee
Hope you are doing well.
No worries at all, I am more that happy to be of an encouragement, even if it is only a little that I can do
As Monica mentioned correctly, people with depression will go through cycles (sometimes very long) & repeating periods of depression. I have been there myself. I also know people who had bad cases of depression.
Get to know more of the type of depression he is suffering from (Bi-polar in your boyfriend case). Read more about the illness, join support groups, get more insights on how people (who have loved ones, family members who have Bi-polar) manage and deal with this order.
You do understand that this disorder will be ongoing and will not be something that can be cure immediately with medicines or in a time period/frame , he will sometimes be happy and will different the very next day.
If you choose to commit to this relationship (and I know that you love him), be prepare and be strong when things looks like it is getting worse for him (mood change etc)
Do not worry so much about sending a message to him or waiting a message from him now, I know the wait can be a struggle, I also hope that my ex writes to me, there never a day that I am not waiting.
Send him a “hi how are you” or “Just to let you know I am always here when you need me” type of msg sometimes.
Do what you can now, take the extra time you have now to do things you do not have a chance to do.
Praying that all will be well for you, do keep us postedHoward
Howard CParticipantHi Zee
I am sad to hear about about what happen
I had depression myself in the past and even attempted suicide 20 years ago. I also broke up with my ex girlfriend 6 days ago so I can understand and empathize with your pains, worries and struggles.
He is now struggling, what ever he say or do is not from deep down inside his heart. Even though he might not touch you sexually, that does not mean that he do not love you.
When I was depressed, I am not even physically excited even if a hot sexy lady were to stand in front of me.
I encourage you to look deeper inside him and feel (empathise) with his suffering.
Be the one that stand beside him when he is down, be the comfort of his heart (and not just physical), be the candle that shine when his days seems dark for him. Be the one that smile when he is crying. Be there for him.It is not just only time that heal, but you being his pillar of support, his love and being his light (in his darkness) that will heal!
Let your love be for him be more and more complete!
Let us know how it goes
Praying for you guys always
Howard
Howard CParticipantHi Bina
I hope and pray that all is well with you (and get better)
Even though I wrote in this forum to talk about my pain and hurts, I am glad that everyone can come together to share and support each otherLet us know how you are getting alone
Take Care,
HowardHoward CParticipantHi Marblewings
Thanks again
I somehow feel that he still have feelings for you (sorry if I am wrong), that feeling might be confusion, guilt, or any feeling that is deep inside him
Live the best life for yourself now, take good care of yourself, if you need to (or want to) stop/cut contact for some time
But one day, when you are ready or when you want to (no obligation) forgive him, even not as a ex(boyfriend) but as a human
I for one would feel bad if I hurt someone that bad
You are a super girlfriend for him!!!
I am praying for both of youAll the best my friend
Howard
Howard CParticipantHi Marblewings
Thanks very much for your reply.
I am sorry to hear that
I admire your courage. I do not know how I can survive
But thank you, I wish and pray that you do not have to go through all of this…..Howard
Howard CParticipantHi Singh
Thanks very much for your reply!
I cried when I read your reply. But those were not tears of sorrow but tears of joy. Thanks very much again
I know you also love your partner, if not she will not be back last year. There is a reason (call it destiny if you like) that you met her (out of the billions of people in this world)
I will pray for you that all will turn out for the better for you, I really do. Do not give up my friend!!!
Your happiness is my happiness too!Thanks
HowardHoward CParticipantHi Singh
Thanks very much for your encouraging words. I am sorry to hear that you had a similar experience last year, but I am very happy to hear that all is well now between you are your beloved partner.
I will try my best (and with Buddha support) to get better and recover.
Yes, I need to love myself and be happy with myself. Before I met her, I had a failed marriage (I divorced 2 years ago, again my fault). We both had divorce experiences.
I will try to forgive myself. But in some ways, I hope she can be happy, eat well, and forgive herself and not think badly of herself . It pains me a lot that I was the one who hurt her and made her cried.
All I can do now is to let the Buddha take care of her on my behalf
(Sorry for using the word “Buddha”many times here, I am a practicing Buddhist)Thanks again Signh for your empathy and support. I will follow your advices as much as I can
Thanks & Gassho,
Howard -
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