Hi Coach Vernida,

You are totally right. It’s almost like the “kill them with kindness” mentality. Your response comes in at a perfect time. I realize that no action is worth doing if it poisons each other’s peace of mind. I tried a similar type of response as you recommended yesterday with my colleague. When I could tell the conversation was veering back to negativity, I listened patiently but did my best not to validate or encourage any further negativity while keeping a smile on my face. The conversation naturally dwindled because of it. I realize before I thought I was being empathetic to my colleagues and they were taking advantage of that which was what drained me. I can still be empathetic by giving space to listen, but I don’t have to invest, nor jump on board in feeling the negative feelings that they are projecting.

Hello everyone,

Thank you for understanding my story and offering some suggestions. To answer some of the questions… I have been dating this guy for just over 2 months now.  So it is still new and full of uncertainty in the direction of this relationship. We originally met on a dating app, but it turns out we actually went to high school together and know many of the same people. I like to believe that self-disclosure and expressing emotions have been pretty good in this relationship. It already came up at the start about my emotional triggers related to cheating. I want to trust that if he is still willing to see me and pursue a relationship with me, that he is fully willing to respect those boundaries. We’ve spoke about focusing on monogamy even while we are still just discovering this relationship. So when he says that he has no interest in getting involved with this girl he’s accused of seeing behind my back, I want to be able to trust his word. But with doubt fueling my mind, I’m feeling very insecure.

Amy insists that the friend she is getting fed information from would never lie. I know Amy is just trying to protect me, but I don’t know the character of these other girls. I have a feeling these girls are known to be a little on the wild side. This girl he is supposedly seeing is quite promiscuous. Amy said so, and my guy even admitted to knowing that about her. The only evidence I have been giving is that they are in communication and that they had plans to meet at some point. I have no evidence proving they did meet though. The facts make me want to give him the benefit of the doubt. But I’m just confused why these girls would lie to myself and to Amy. I’m trying not to get Amy too involved in needless drama and don’t want to probe for more information, but at the cost of my own inner peace. Perhaps Eliana is right, “too many cooks in the kitchen”.