Anita: Is there anything that isn’t a matter of perception? That we are all one being. Others might disagree with me but as far as I can tell we are all one being under the illusion that we are separate entities. That is why I say I can not blame my mother because my mother was me. This goes for everything. I am you and you are me. You are also the chair you’re sitting on and the monitor you’re looking into. You are everything. Maybe there are other truths too or maybe others will disagree with my views. I would love to tell you that I’m the all knowing all powerful Whatever but I would be lying to you if I said that. 🙂

Peter: I consider this thread to be open dialog. I started it just to post my feelings on things. I actually never expected this many replies. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you have also experienced ego death. Were you looking for it or did it hit you on the head like a bolt of lightening like it did to me? As for ego death I do think it’s more of a transformation. I say ego death but I still have an ego. I just don’t let it into the drivers seat anymore. It does seem to be getting smaller with time although it’s only been a couple of months. Yet it is still there and I must keep watch on it lest it try to create a new identity. I’m happy being no one.

I agree with what Peter said. When you believe you are your ego you are very rigid in your thinking. For example here in the US right now politics is a hot button topic. Politicians on both side of the fence are often caught doing wrong but their supporters will continue to support them anyway because they identify as their political party. If they were to change their stance their sense of self would be threatened.

Being no one means not adhering to any labels. I may have politicians that I consider better candidates but if they are found doing wrong it is very easy for me to say “I do not support that and by default I no longer support them.” This leads to rational decision making rather than letting my need to be someone dictate my choices. I also do not hang out on news websites all day waiting to see “what the other side does next.” as there is no “other side” for me because I do not adhere strictly to one side or the other.

I no longer identify as anything. I still go to the movies from time to time but I am not a “movie goer.” If I want I can watch a sporting event but that does not make me a “sports fan.” I can prepare a meal without being a “cook.” I still have beliefs but I do not identify with them as Peter said. I still have wants but I don’t NEED to have them fulfilled. For instance if I go out to eat I might want to eat at X place but others might want to eat at Y place. If I do not get what I want and end up at Y place, that’s just as well as ending up at X place. Before ego death I might have said “but I like X place better and now I have to go to Y place, it’s not fair!” What’s not fair? An experience is an experience.

We love to both put labels on things and identify with those labels. Do you repair cars? You’re a “mechanic.” “Do you read a lot of books? You’re a “book worm.” Then we identify with those labels. “I read a lot of books so I must be a book worm.” this leads to “All the other book worms are reading THIS book. I have no interest but I must read that book too or I’m not a book worm.” You now must read a book you have no interest in as your identity demands it. This leads to misery.

The day of my ego death started like any other. I was “Christy” I knew who Christy was or at least I thought I did. I had to adhere to all the beliefs of Christy. If another challenged those beliefs I had to defend them. Then in a blink of an eye all that was gone. At first I was terrified. I had no idea what had just happened and if not for an internet search done after the fact I still would not know. However as I get used to my new way of being I’m a lot more happy and at peace now than I ever was before. In my opinion ego is poison.

Ego is the sense of self, the “I” or the “me.” It is what makes us think we are separate from everyone and everything and it is the little voice that narrates our day from the time we get up until the time we go to bed.

Yes I still have one of those but I recognize that it is not who I am.

Thank you all for the replies. I looked up the people you recommended. While I’m sure these people are enlightened I hesitate to use that term for “myself.” I still have a million flaws. Eckhart Tolle’s experience does seem similar to mine though. He was very depressed and found that the self wasn’t real. I wasn’t depressed but I still found that the self isn’t real.

For the time being I think I’ll look more into this website as well as others and some books too. So far other than the therapist I mentioned I have only told my girlfriend about this. She didn’t seem happy about it. At the same time people in my life have begun to notice that I’ve changed somehow. Sitting and pretending nothing has happened isn’t going to work much longer. I never saw any of this coming. I am slowly getting used to it though and the sense of calm is nice. Anyway thanks for everything. 🙂