Hi Anita and singhcool

On both sides I feel are correct. On one hand I know I have self esteem issues and I am starting to realise more than ever that I was brought up in a very negative and serious atmosphere. My parents have both been very negative about things all throughout my life. I have social anxiety as well for most of my life and I have gotten to a good level chatting with people(mostly had to study social interaction) in small talk but furthur than that I cant get to. I dont know how. I am getting better at throwing a joke around and getting people to laugh a bit but its usually not enough(there’s the lack of self esteem! Haha). I feel you on the no one jokes with you part. At my work I work with a lot of guys(im a girl, just in case that wasnt clear) and I cant seem to joke around with them as well as the other guys do. I appreciate the advice and yea I am in my 20’s 🙂 now on the other hand too I think less of my parents per say and more so my family as a whole and friends growing up. My cousin and sisters and I always hung out but I felt so left out because I am a lot younger than them. I didnt get to do all the things they did and often or not no one really wanted to talk to me that much but I wanted them to talk to me so badly. My friends too did the same things. So as a little girl I never really got social acceptance from anywhere, I was always doing something wrong. I wasnt really special to anyone haha. Therapy would be a good idea, although I am scared they will judge me a lot. Thank you too for your response, talking it through it making me feel a bit better about this stuff. Sorry for the long response!
Best wishes,
Leanne

Oh no he never yells at me, he is by far the nicest person I have ever met and he loves me. I wouldn’t doubt that for a second and he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. I just don’t feel present I suppose and I really would like to. I guess the week has been stressful and most of the time I am always worried about one thing or another but I did not get a chance in the past week to do anything for myself I have been so busy. I just want to let go, not worry about anything just be there. I know that everything is okay. I just have to make some time for myself and stay as present as I can(when I have been neglecting being present throughout most the week). Thank you for all your advice it is muchly appreciated and I hope you all have a wonderful day 🙂

I’m not quite sure, I guess whenever I went to hang out with friends I would always be really anxious of if they were having fun and if I was being good enough for them. However I never had many friends at all so I’m not sure if that would really be it. I never really had attachment relationships in my life too much. I have gotten over most of the feelings of im not good enough etc. which is why I am wondering what is going on. I get nervous before he comes to see me which is odd because I have been with him for two years. I guess I just really don’t want to lose control of the situation, I am in fear of what could happen. I still don’t know how I can channel that feeling into something positive though.

-Leanne

I have told him those things are interesting to me and I would like to hear about them cause I care about him and care about his interests. Its more too of things that he has spent a lot of money on that seem big but he doesn’t tell me, he bought a model kit for $200 and we go model hunting all the time together but he still didn’t tell me about that, just his fb group. Plus i think the people thing is more the issue, I’ve told him I want to hear about that stuff but he just “forgets” to tell me. Not really sure if he is forgetting or something else. Maybe that’s a bit over dramatic but I have talked about this stuff with him tons of times, I thought he would have told me and it makes me sad that he didn’t.