Just skimming through, and so do I as well. I think it is normal and natural for an individual to feel that way sometimes. I feel numb at night because I am alone with my one-year-old. My father died in March, my brother in 2008 suicide following the war. My h husband is stressing out because the responsibility of caring for us, taking care of my fatherʻs wishes and also being my dead brother to me. So he doesnʻt come home.
Our oldest son is 22 and he doesn’t come home either because the few times he does, his parents are fighting. So I am numb. I have a mental health diagnosis, depression for this current episode, individual therapy and medication. But now what?
Numb to the point where sometimes I donʻt care about my hygiene, and stay in my night clothes all day until night time, and shower off the numbness and put on new armour, but the numbness comes back.
I decided today I would reinvent myself everyday. Its the night time that is cold and lonely.
And because I am aware, am I being manipulative of myself, knowingly observing the tarmac and checking my equipment so I can take off. . .
KNOWING I will run out of gas midair, tumult to the earth and…
crash and burn.
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