Hello Eliana and Anita

Thank you very much for your feedback, I agree with karma. It’s interesting to see how the tables turn. I wonder if it would ever happen to us.

I am experiencing PMS now and it’s really messing my mind up. Thoughts, emotions, and feelings are all over my head. They lead me to the hope of getting back together with my ex, they remind me of good times we once had, and they also lead me to doubts, desperation,  depression and anger.

Fortunately, I can start seeing things better than I used to. One of the reasons why I wasn’t happy with my ex was the fact that he criticized a lot. I never heard him giving compliments to anyone but me and himself. He would constantly talk about how disgusting the food was when we ate out,  how people tried to take advantage of him, how people created drama for him, how fake and talkative people were when all they did was being nice/polite to him, how bitchy his exs were, how good he was but never got appreciated, etc.

He didn’t seem to trust anyone. I don’t think he’s a happy person and am feeling kinda sad for him just by thinking about this. Sometimes my friends would invite me and him to different occasions, he would either go with me and have a lot of complaints afterwards, or name all kinds of reasons (usually negative) to talk me into changing my mind to cancel the plan in the last minute.

I believe his still has kindness and a good heart, but somehow they are buried too deep. It feels like there’s a tough shield all around a kind and playful little boy. He was so difficult to reach, because I could tell how he escaped from it when the conversation got too deep. I loved him a lot but never really tried to help him because I myself was also afraid of getting hurt by his rejections. And that’s my regret – not being able to help the person I loved.

I miss him so much and really hope that he finds his own peace within and gets to trust people again.

Hi all,

it didn’t occur to me till recently that I started to realize my insecurity was actually caused by his dishonesty. Since, in the beginning, i blamed solely myself for the failure of our relationship.

The lies I can immediately name: how long he rented his then appartment, his sister’s age (big difference), his phone was stolen so he couldn’t contact me, his car war was smashed the night he disappeared, etc. When I confronted him, he would tell me a too-detailed story that’s apparently a make-up or say things like “i don’t know what you are talking about.” ” why don’t you believe me?” “You are the one who lied and I forgave you.” (I once got caught by him lying about a male friend who was simply just a friend) Actually, he’s a great talker, he’s good at selling things with fancy words.

In fact, not just lying, he’s also very preserved about his past. He hardly shared his past with me. He didn’t have many friends, because he did not like his friends for they are lazy and lack of ambition.

I know he had issues when younge, but have no idea what contributed to this very habit of lying/hiding. Additionally, he often reminded me of being careful with people, as if he was putting on a camouflage, sometimes even in front of me.

There’s a wall between us, a wall I could never break down which created distance and insecurity. I could feel his stress, unhappiness and loneliness, yet had no clue how to help him. He would not want my help anyway.

Just when things started getting better and we were talking about spending life together and making future plans, he suddenly backed off and we broke up over a small fight?

I still don’t understand him til today, that’s why it made me feel the relationship could have been nothing to him. I have no idea who I was dealing with. Maybe there’s someone else in the picture that I didn’t know? Maybe he never really loved me?

• This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Connie.

Hello anita

i don’t understand either. Honestly, this is my only regret that I don’t seem to get his blessings to move on. Though I mentioned breakup many times over the courese of our relationship, I made it really clear that the email was my goodbye to him. He probably doesn’t buy that because I was always crying wolf?

In the past two months I tried showing him love, sending him positive energy and explaining my determination to reconcile. He didn’t even bother to respond to any of those as if he wanted to string me along. When I finally had the courage to say goodbye and move on, he blamed me for playing games and being untruthful. He kept saying he didn’t know what I wanted from him. Maybe he’s the one who doesn’t know what he truly wants. Maybe he lets his ego overdrives him. Whatever it is, I just know I am so tired from it. I might not be a good girlfriend, but I came with a sincere open heart. I tried my best to love this man and that should be all.

I just wanted to vent I guess.

Hello Mina

first of all, thank you very much for your time and input. I have been feeling really down and depressed for a while.

“I would like to help you but I need to know the reason why you hold on so tightly to this person.”
Honestly, I don’t know why I am holding so tightly. Probably because I am a foreigner in his country. I lived and worked there alone and was really lonely. I do have friends, but they either live far away or are married and busy with their families. I felt “home” around my ex. It made me happy just to think about there’s someone waiting for me at home. We lived together, I cooked and did all chores for him, he helped me take care of lots of things when he felt I was mistreated by other people.  We lived in the house that we painted and organized together, picked up furniture, decorated, etc. To me, home is where he is.

“Other than the fact that you loved this person very much, is there any reason why you refuse to let go and move on? Are you perhaps afraid that you won’t meet someone better? or are you afraid that you will never get over him in general?”

I love this man deeply. Though I was very immature and always threatened him to breakup to get his attention whenever he failed to make me happy. I know I was doing wrong and really want to improve myself to become a better person. I never really wanted to break up with him. We both tried very hard and had our ups and downs. It’s just hard to accept that it’s really over, especially we were having the best time of our relationship right we started long distance/right before we broke up.

The biggest problem we have now is distance. I had to leave to renew my visa and it’s still pending, meaning I don’t even know if I I will go back again. It must have been really unrealistic to ask to reconcile not knowing if we would ever be in the same place again.

We don’t know what will happen in the future. Maybe I will never go back, maybe I will. No matter what happens, I really hope to get his wishes to move on. Perhaps I have to be the one to wish him well in this case. But I am not ready to say goodbye yet,..

Hello Amber,

What you said is exactly how I feel. My insecurity and anxiety were fueled by the doubt that he wasn’t/he couldn’t give me what I wanted. We had some issues in our relationship and they never seemed resolved. We both tried really hard, however, we were too different and could’t even communicate well. It’s so heartbreaking because I know we still have feelings for each other.

I am into 10 days of NC and I haven’t heard from him at all. Ever since the day we broke up, I have been trying to change myself for the better, trying to find peace and happiness within. I am trying hard to live my life without him, to start over, but when the reality kicks in, thinking that we are no longer a couple, makes me extremely depressed and sad.

Honestly, it’s probably better for us to part for now anyways. If our relationship was never at risk, I’d never have the chance to grow myself and evaluate this relationship from distance with a clear head.

Update:

after that email, I showed him a week of affection by showing him my positive side, constantly asking him how he was doing, and telling him that I missed him a lot, sharing some pictures I took on my trip and etc.

still he’s not responsive at all. Maybe he wants to move on, maybe he wants me to suffer. I don’t know. All I know is that if you really care about someone, how can you not say anything straight and string them along?

Eventually I gave up contacting him a week ago. I think the best way for me to see if he really cares about me and still wants this relationship is to leave him alone.

So far he only contacts me every two weeks. This weekend will be another two weeks mark. I think I just need some preparation if he doesn’t contact me this weekend.

I am so tired of playing these mind games. Life is too short for this. Why can’t we just communicate?

• This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Connie.

Hello WillowRose and Anita,

honestly, I used to blame myself for the failure of our relationship. However, he can no longer make me feel guilty or suffer. I just asked myself “do I feel bad or have any regrets?” My answer is “no.”

I am glad that I do not have any hatred/regret towards to him or our relationship.

I guess all I want to do is to just simply show him love because thats what love really is about. If he doesn’t intend to continue this relationship, I will be fine to let go as well. I feel I have found the peace in me.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Connie.