P.

I’ve been there.  And I’m fortunate enough to be able to stand on the other side of my decision and say with 100% certainty, I made the right decision.  Here’s where our stories are the same:

Dated a guy, a SWEET man, very kind, very protective, very gentle….but not an ambitious bone in his body.  In our early 20’s, I was saving money, getting student loan debt down, trying to get $$ so we can move out of his parent’s house (long story why I was living there–another time)  He was working, oscillating back and forth about going back to school, AND he was a volunteer fireman.  While he was busy doing “things”, he was never thinking about the future, most notably, our future.

It stressed me out.  Here was a man who would do anything for me, who was so warm and patient and caring, who had never done a bad thing to me or anyone else, but who couldn’t take the steps to let our lives “grow together” as two people meant for each-other eventually do.

I met my husband while dating that man.  (this is where our respective stories diverge)  Oh,  I was “proper”, never being intimate or even kissing this new man while dating my boyfriend.  But the nagging decision of whether to take a chance on this new man, or stick with the nice and “comfortable” relationship of several years,  loomed over me for literally months.  I’ve never had such a hard time making a choice in my life, and to this day never have again.  But the new man –  had a job, and ambition, (and a house, that helped)

Well, after 7 months of unhappiness and pulling away, I broke up with the boyfriend. Not going to lie, it was tough.  I felt like I was killing his puppy dog.  Years later I married my husband, we have two children, a nice home, and our own businesses and we complement each other perfectly.

When I claim I can say with 100% certainty I did the right thing, it’s because I still kept in touch with the previous boyfriend, albeit sporadically.  Want to know what he is doing now, 15 years later?  He still lives in his parent’s house.  His life is working a mediocre job, and helping his dad work in his small engine shop.  He doesn’t travel, he doesn’t do anything.  It’s perfectly fine for him to live that way, (just like it’s perfectly fine your boyfriend of 8 years lives whichever way he lives)  But it wasn’t fine for me.

So despite the painful period of decision making on my part, and the years of guilt (which much later were assuaged when he told me he realized in the end we didn’t “fit”)  Making the choice to be with someone FOR ME, and not simply because “they are a nice person and they love me”  will always go down as the most important and pivotal decision I’ve ever made in my life.

Best of luck girl.  You’ll be alright.

Anita,

There are a lot of good alarm alternatives that won’t be so invasive to your sleep.  I myself utilize my Fitbit to “buzz” me awake.  I wear it at night anyway to track my sleep, so it’s a great tool to wake me up.  I  can set alarms (as many as I want, whenever I want) to quietly but effectively stir me.  (Amazon sells a simple “shake and wake” that does the same thing but without the rest of the Fitbit properties)

Another option is an alarm clock that works on light.  Our sleep can be interrupted by light pretty easily, especially blue light, so there are a bunch of alarm clocks that rely on pulses of light, different brightnesses, etc. that are a lot less “angry” than a traditional alarm sound.  There’s a bunch on Amazon, even LL.Bean makes one (that’s where I saw one first)

Lastly, there does exist a “Smart Pillow”.  I saw it on Amazon actually.  I think the manufacturer is ZEEQ.  It works with a smartphone.  It’s a little pricey, but when it comes to sleep, sometimes we’ll spend anything for the rest we need.

I hope I’ve been helpful to you.  This is definitely a problem that has a solution.  No worries!

All the best.

–Kristine