Forum Replies Created
January 17, 2023 at 11:12 am #413992CrystalParticipant
You are right. Now that I sit and think about it, these supervisors are not in any position to make me feel bad. They can’t judge what I’ve done because they themselves aren’t moral or ideal and act in a way that pleases them. They try to look for their convenience and treat those below them as just instruments to getting the job done. I think I need to harden myself and try to occasionally be in my own corner rather than shaming myself. I’ll keep in mind what you said about – the question is how to be a model and ideal person in a world that is so far from being a model or an ideal world.
I can make mistakes and when my mistake wasn’t fuelled by bad intentions or causing harm to anyone, it’s okay. I have to be kinder to myself. And learn that it’s okay to make mistakes. Trying to live up to everyone’s version of “ideal” employee or student will only cause me trouble. I am allowed to do things that might be considered selfish or even wrong because I’m being an inconvenience to others in the process of showing myself some kindness.
Thank you for making me realise this, Anita. Talking with you has helped me an immeasurable amount.January 16, 2023 at 9:15 am #413917CrystalParticipant
Thank you. Your kind words mean a lot to me. I hope your personal experience has stopped or at least reduced hurting you. And you’re right. I hadn’t thought of it like that. I keep holding myself to the standards that are expected of “ideal” members of society without thinking if that is the kind of treatment I am getting in return too. So far, I’ve received multiple accolades for it from high school and even now when I’m doing my Master’s. I think it’s the reward based psychology that probably makes me hold myself to this standard. If I’m not being recognised for doing the right thing, I immediately think I’m not living up to the authority figure’s expectations and push myself more. And in that, being called and asked to write my name on a single sheet made me feel tremendous shame. The supervisor made me write my name down on a “sign out sheet” before I left. Nobody ever asks employees to do. I felt so scared and singled out for what he might do with that name. Report me maybe or stop assigning me shifts. And since he was technically right, I placed all the blame on myself and my actions.
About the bathroom breaks, the employees who have an opportunity to take one, take it. But I’ve seen two instances before where a person I was working with asked for a bathroom break but was denied, and when they took one despite it, they were shouted at in front of everyone. They accused these people of not informing their supervisors that they were leaving the post assigned to them and going for a break. But the supervisors are never around. They come once at the beginning of the shift and once at the end, and any other time they might come around is random chance. But then they yell at the employees in front of everybody, staff and patrons alike, so it’s kind of an unsaid rule that nobody takes bathroom breaks. So far I’ve worked around ten shifts for them since last year and only in one was I given a five minute break and that was a different supervisor who wasn’t present any other shifts that followed.
Thank you for taking the time, Anita.