Dear Melissa

Two months is still a short time in the grand scheme of things. You were together for a long time, you invested in the relationship and you had plans for the future. You loved your boyfriend and when someone you love so much hurts you it’s natural to feel a lot of mixed emotions. You may feel betrayed, abandoned, and rejected. You still feel all these feelings of love towards them even though they hurt you and that creates a lot of conflict internally. These are feelings you need to acknowledge and accept. That they may well be there for a while and that’s ok but you’re only human.

I’m still fresh from my breakup, just over a month and I have been up and down like a yo yo however the greatest thing I’ve learn is that it’s actually forced me to look at myself and the things I can do to be happier in myself. I really like this great quote by Christine Caine ” Sometimes when you’re in a dark place and you think you’ve been buried you’ve actually been planted”. It’s incredibly difficult but now is the time to focus on you. Is there something you’ve always wanted to do but never managed to do because you were thinking about him? Are there things in your own life aside from this you’ve always wanted to change? Now is the time to look at them

These questions of reaching out and telling him, how do you think they would affect you? Are you trying to seek answer when you have them already for closure? Don’t spend time caring about someone who clearly doesn’t feel the same about you. If you don’t get the response you want you will only end up being more hurt.

About finding someone else. It’s easy for others to be judgemental. Do what you think feels natural to you but bear in mind if your heart is not fully healed it may be very difficult to accept someone else. It may not be fair to the other person if your ex is still on your mind so much.

I wish you all the best, I’m sorry you’re going this pain right now

Leeya

I’m sorry to hear that you are hurting right now. It sounds as if you have clearly been mislead or that he has changed his mind during the course of the relationship. He sounds as if he has some issues that he needs to work on. When a relationship ends it can often feel as if you do not have any control over the situation especially if the other person is the one breaking up with you. It’s probably come as a big shock to you and your emotions are all over the place.

Remember it’s ok to feel depressed after a difficult breakup. There’s often many unanswered questions. It is a difficult time. It may be difficult to see this now but if he dragged the relationship out for a much longer time then it would be far worse if he didn’t feel the same way.

Troubled spirit

I’m sorry that you are going through all this pain right now. It can’t be easy having to face her and her mom everyday. Whilst you are still hurting it can often be difficult to be objective about the situation. You obviously said what you did for a reason. Did you really see a future with her? Or are you looking to piece things up because you you really see a future with her or because you are emotionally investing and don’t want to lose her?

It’s normal to feel the way you do right now and you sound like a very considerate person for letting her and her mom stay with you, however you also need to look after yourself and your boys. Remember you cannot be responsible for other people’s actions, if can only be responsible for your own. Her not wanting to work on things says more about her than it does about you. I am too learning this the hard way after breaking up with someone I’ve been with for the last 2 years.

It’s hard but you have to have some distance from her. Give it a shot at having a reasonable discussion with her. Get things off your chest. If you really want to make things work, suggest ways in which your relationship could be different or healthier rather than just suggest you get back together. Remember that self worth comes from within not from somebody else.