fbpx
Menu

Carlos Torres

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • Carlos Torres
    Participant

    I am now in Chicago, we saw each other for a few minutes before I headed to the airport. We agreed this was not a goodbye but a see you later. I know what I have to do which is move forward and be happy for myself. I truly love this girl and did everything I could only control for the relationship. The only thing left for me to help me with this process is if it is meant to be then will find each other again to be together. That she would need to come after me if she ever realized she was ready or wanted to be with me.

    Carlos Torres
    Participant

    Hey everyone! An unfortunate event happened. I went out Friday, and Brazil is a dangerous place. I was assaulted by 5 guys, had my money and phone stolen. I also broke off my front tooth. I went to seek help back where I lived because I took a taxi. My friends were not home and I was all bloody and everything.The only place I could think of going was her house. Her dad took me to the hospital. Obviously they were all pretty scared about what happened. I am doing better now and she sent me this startling email later that afternoon.

    Carlos … I’ll ask you something definitely … Get out of my life and the lives of my family !!! I am so afraid of you !! Stay away from me for my own good, your good and the good of my family !! What do you make of your life is your business and I want no part of anything else … And please, no longer appears in my house !! I do not like you and I need u to respect it and follow your life !! I really am too afraid to u …. My panic attacks today was a thousand … I do not want you in my life at all !!! Do not hope for anything … I’m not feeling any !! And if I can suggest you something, I go back to Chicago and soon !! Stay away from me, please !!! Please do not answer me this email !!

    Bye!!!

    So with her reacting this way to me which was very rude and I don’t know why she would be afraid of me. With this experience being assaulted and things not working out with her. I think for my happiness and what is best for me I am returning to my family this Wed to Chicago and leaving things here behind. It is time for me to rebuild and I just need my family right now. I sent her an email yesterday because I needed to get somethings off my chest and leave with a peace of mind.

    Hey, I hope you’re having a good night. I wanted to email you and let you know that I’ll be going to Chicago Wednesday. I wish you email so I can finish things with peace on my side of things. I’m not sure why you sent me that last email that was really nasty. I do not understand why you are afraid of me. I wanted to let you know that what happened to me was not my fault and I did not cause this to happen. I was not even going to go to his house, but Natalia but she was not home. The only person I can think of was his family to help me in a time of need. Do you think it was not a good idea? Just realize that I’m alone here and I thought I could always count on you for help. I guess I was wrong. Do not worry, because you and your family will not have to deal comigo.Eu also wanted you to know that I’m listening to you that you do not like me and I’ll respect that .I will live my life and move on with him to leave me with a good piece of mind in me I need to write this email. Please do not respond to it. Just for to keep it in your mind.

    I will go tomorrow to the bank to take care of some things and talk to Jurandir and say my goodbye to my friends there. I wanted to warn you in advance so that you would not be surprised if you saw me there. Do not worry, I will not approach you or anything.

    We had a wonderful story you and I, no matter how things ended here, but it was an adventure and an experience I will never forget. If you do not want to talk to me anymore, then that is your choice. If you choose not like me and not to be with me, then that is your choice. Me leaving Chicago is my choice and I need to do, because I’ll be happier there with my family. But I just wanted you to know something I need to tell you. I have no expectations, I will live my life and not look back anymore.
    But I wanted to tell you that it can not be today may not be tomorrow, it may not be this year or next. But one day Adriana, you’ll realize that the right person for you was here in front of you. For whatever reason, it may be this was the wrong time. Perfect people, but found the wrong time in our lives. If you ever come to the conclusion that one day you want to be with me. Then you meet me, I message me no matter where I’ll be. Come to Chicago and meet me. I go with open arms talk to you, I go with open arms mickey be yours or you want me to be. That’s all going to be your choice your choice, not mine. If I never hear it again, so it’s okay, I guess it was not to be the end. But I wanted to leave the door open for you that I’m not hurt or angry with any of this. It is an experience and a lesson and I will learn from it and become stronger. I have no regrets about anything. I love you and that will never change. I wish you the best of luck in life. You are a strong and amazing person. Keep going forward and everything will be fine.

    Right Carpe Diem! So go ahead and use it every day to get up in the morning and do something important. Take care of yourself, understand yourself better. Just know that, despite what you think of me at this time, for any reason, I hope one day you realize how patient, caring and everything I was with you. I always believed in you, want the best for you and showed you what a man should do for a woman. I hope that I could show him that I was not here to hurt you, I wanted to take care of you and show you that your past will not happen again. You had a chance with me and things were going well until a few things you need to better understand has to happen. That’s good though. Perhaps things had to happen this way. Regardless, you can always email me or message me if you want. I have no bad feelings about you!

    -Carlos

    Tiny Buddah community,things are going to end up being bitter with this mess that was created. I will leave with my head held high that I tried but under these circumstances it is best to do what will make ME happy and not someone else. The ball is in her court now and she can decide what she wants in the future and if she wants to message me or be with me then that is for her to decide and if I am still available or want to.

    Carlos Torres
    Participant

    Dear Anita, I agreed when you said “You are not her psychotherapist”. I learned that midway through everything that I am not a problem solver especially stuff that she needs to figure out on her own. I think this has to do with being a person who enjoys helping others and sometimes I am learning to step back and let others fend for themselves so that they can fail/learn from situations. What I want to clarify to you is when you said “You feeling relieved indicates to me that you don’t want the relationship you had with her. You only want certain parts of it, not the whole package”. What I mean’t when I said relieved was for my own feelings. It is like this, two weeks ago we talked about moving to the U.S one day, if things were out and marriage etc. I fell asleep that day on top of the world! Then a few days later she goes cold and I just feel this sensation of “WTF” went wrong…… ” She was there opening up, and now fear came inside of her” I would feel a little down but I knew that this was her and I got to learn how her behavior would be. I learned with her to be patient, I see something in her that for me I know deep in my heart that I want to be with this girl. The whole package…. I just know that for now, until she works things out I don’t have that “low” feeling. I think it was just me creating expectations and getting excited about something in the future.

    I have a question for you about your dishonesty comment “don’t give up on me even though I don’t feel that you are Mr. Right, so i am going to say you are Mr. Right so that you will stay….

    If she is telling me that she likes me only as a friend, that she needs to give herself a chance to figure out if it is her the problem or me, and telling me to live my life. Why would she say that? Because at this point it is clear to both of us that she would be the one to get in touch with me if she wants a relationship with me. I don’t know if in her mind she is thinking “Well, for now he is doing his own thing while I figure stuff out, I hope he is waiting”……….

    in reply to: WANTED: YOUR ADVICE FOR A GIRL I LOVE #82119
    Carlos Torres
    Participant

    Hey Rkallas, In my life I know a few things about “Space” and “value”. I get you love this girl and your feelings. But right now she is asking for distance and space. My advice to you is to not give up but at the same time “Let her come to you”. Let her initiate the contact with you first. Then go from there. She knows your feelings but you have to stay busy, do your thing and not always be available. She needs to miss you. There is a saying that is 100 percent right. Give her the gift of missing you. That doesn’t mean ignore her on purpose. It just means live your life and don’t always be so available. She will begin to miss you and chase after you. But respect the space and distance.

    in reply to: Perfect for each other but at the wrong time? Please help me #82113
    Carlos Torres
    Participant

    Dear Anita, I agree with you in parts. When we go out, the time we spend together and everything we have been through has been great. The parts that are the lows are her being indecisive of being “ready” fully. When she gets too close she runs away, and gets insecure and scared. So this unstable part is what is sometimes hard to deal with. I give her the space she needs and comes to her senses that things are okay and nothing to fear. I know that this is on her, and I cannot help her. That is why I can’t be just friends because that is going to hurt me in the long run. I feel I am Mr. Right and that is something she will need to figure out in time. I would like to share with you and everyone her exact first message to me, basically finishing things. I used google translate since it was in Portuguese
    [2:41 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: Look …. I’am not being distant ….
    [2:42 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: I’m just very concerned …. Much the same and I will be very honest as I ever was
    [2:42 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: We’re trying …. But it is complicated for me u know !!!
    [2:43 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: Different Feelings …. Now this question lie …. I am more cautious
    [2:43 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: And I do not want to create too many expectations !!
    [2:43 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: I love u !!! You know this !!! But I am very afraid of everything that’s going on!
    [2:48 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: I’m not distant
    [2:48 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: Only cautious

    [3:26 am, 09/08/2015] ctorres3486: You know that your feelings and mine are not much different
    [3:27 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: I try !!
    [3:27 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: I swear I try
    [3:27 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: And I’m really changing
    [3:27 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: But my feelings
    [3:27 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: The I have for u are more rare and valuable than anything
    [3:28 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: And will never change
    [3:28 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: But I’m talking about feeling of love
    [3:28 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: It seems that I’ll never feel again
    [3:29 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: Or if I can
    [3:29 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: To know what love is
    [3:29 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: The love I have for u is unique and rare to believe that
    [3:29 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: It is love … Really
    [3:29 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: But a different love !!
    [3:30 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: I would kill anything or anyone to harm you
    [3:30 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: And why kill me many times
    [3:31 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: I want to kill me
    [3:31 am, 09/08/2015] ctorres3486: And you sure that this is not feelings of love boo? that u think will not feel again.
    [3:31 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: Boo Everyday I ask myself that question
    [3:31 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: I wonder this every day
    [3:31 am, 09/08/2015] Boo: And I have no answer !! And why is this bipolarity

    I’m pretty thoughtful these days !! You know I do not want to hurt you ever …. But I’m “stuck” …. I do not know where to go ….
    [10:54 pm, 08/11/2015] Boo: What to do … !!
    [10:54 pm, 08/11/2015] Boo: I think I need to slow down … Because things do not involve just me
    [10:55 pm, 08/11/2015] Boo: But yeah u !!
    [10:55 pm, 08/11/2015] Boo: And it worries me a lot
    [10:55 pm, 08/11/2015] Boo: It’s not like the fear of flying …. What if I do not go I do not go and I’ll just pay the price
    [10:56 pm, 08/11/2015] Boo: A relationship is made of two people !! And why I care so much with you
    [10:58 pm, 08/11/2015] ctorres3486: Just worry about yourself and what you want. No pressure at all. Take your time. If you want to keep what we have and take it slow. Then we can. Like I told you before. I am here.
    [10:59 pm, 08/11/2015] ctorres3486: For me slow is okay. I have Been patient with you and will keep to be.

    And then this was two days ago!

    Good evening!! I hope you are well!! I would like you to know that much thought these days about us … about everything … And I came to the conclusion that u are one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met … What I feel for you is and will always be unique …. But what I have to offer is something that you might not want !! I would like to ask you a million sorrys for everything I did, everything I charged, and fought for my madness … I wanted to thank you immensely for everything …. absolutely everything you did for me !! I mean also that I tried …. I tried to give myself to you and live something with you …. But unfortunately I couldn’t … I can not keep hurting you and, therefore, prefer to stop here !! I never find the words to thank and describes all we lived … All times together, sharing fears, joys, sorrows, anger, emotions …. You are the one true angel and friend to me !! Do not get me wrong …. I just want, more than anything in this world, you get well … very well !! I really needed to say it for u!

    In my gut I feel that she does like me more than a friend, but just not ready for anything else right now because of the emotional block and so using the just friends as a way to push me back!

    Carlos Torres
    Participant

    Hey Anne, I hope you are having a good day!Anytime that she felt scared or distant I would immediately notice and just let her come to me. As time passes she would message me and things would go back to normal. She is a very jealous person but during our last conversation where she friendzoned me, she talked about why she was always jealous and she came to the conclusion that she couldn’t understand why some other girls could be just your friend and not her and in a way she wanted to just have what we have only with her. She wanted to always go out with me as friends. Then she went on about how we are both almost 30 years old and there is no point wasting our time with something that is not going to evolve. I get what she is saying and in this moment it is not possible to evolve because of these mental blocks. The only situation that I did that was a mistake was I lied to her about something and she was upset about it which made her more cautious. I apologized, gave her space and things were okay afterwards and we continued the relationship like normal but would be very hesitant. She says that she tried and tried but her feelings never changed to evolve into more and she can’t feel something in general. About a 4 months ago she was feeling sad and before we finally started going out she said to me that she is a closed person and she just doesn’t feel the same way about people. From animals, to family to people and especially herself. How can she love someone if she cannot love herself. I am the last person to play games with someone. I love her and would want a future with her. Only time and space can solve this, or so I hope it does. If I was able to get her to open up and try then I am sure if she was feeling better that things would work. It is up to her though. I didn’t use to be patient. We are both the same age but I have life experience that helps me be mature and patient about things. I was in the Marine Corps and went to War, I was married before already and now moving to another country adds another experience. One issue that seemed to resonate with her is issues of the past. Having a negative feeling that the past will always come back to bite her in the ass. That I somehow still have feelings for my past and that just gave her ammunition to create something to push me away. Of course those things were created in her mind and not something that I put out there. At this moment she pushed me a way, told me she only sees me as a friend and that the relationship can’t go on because she needs to figure herself out. Wants to know if it is her the problem or if it is me. My gut feeling tells me that it is not about me. She definitely has feelings for me of other than friendship. For her to open up to me, to do all the things we do and the way we talked to each other only happens if there is attraction and you like each other. Etc sex, kissing, our cute nicknames, the way we interacted with each other. Things that “Friends” don’t do. She used to say that we have different feelings and that is something she wanted to change but couldn’t. I love her but I never wanted her to just love me quickly. That is something that happens over time especially with someone like her where “love” is something hard for her to just give because it would leave her completely vulnerable to get hurt again. Anything to risk and have something backfire is something on her mind.

    Lastly, in the heat of the break up I hinted on that maybe I won’t be here anymore at the end of the year and just go back to Chicago. Thinking things clearly now, I have no intentions to go back. I enjoy living here and I really want to work things out with her and marry her one day.

    Carlos Torres
    Participant

    Dear Annie, from the two things you mentioned “It may feel as if to her that you don’t love her enough to let her be on her own or that you are forcing her to stay with you” I don’t think it is either, she knows very well how I feel. She knows that I have been patient and understanding of this complicated situation. I think that she realized that she was hurting me by being close and then pushing me away. It got to the point where she did a lot of thinking and said I only like you as a friend. Two weeks ago she brought up about if things keeping going like this will we move to chicago or stay here and talking about marriage and scenarios about the two different customs we have as I am American and how we do our traditional ceremonies. Then a week later she went distant. Until she started to think about somethings and her feelings that were leaving her bipolar and confused. It took a while for her to open up to me. She didn’t kiss or have sex with a guy for two years. We would go out as friends and of course I would get a little upset when the night didn’t end in a kiss and she realized that. She always told me that she is not ready and it is a choice, for whatever motive that she just doesn’t want to be involved with someone. We stopped talking for a couple months last year and when we talked again things started to move a long. May of this year we kissed and started a relationship. I love this girl, and I demonstrated to her how I feel. I respect how she feels and even though I am hurting, I feel a little relieved that I don’t want to experience those highs and lows. I would want it to be steady. It has indeed been difficult like a roller coaster. She mentioned to me that everything happening is scary for her and just afraid to get hurt and to hurt me.

    The last thing you mentioned, we came to terms that being just friends wouldn’t work. That if she changed her mind then to send me a message and we can set up a time to go out and have fun. It wasn’t like an obligation but my intentions was to leave the door open for her.

    Carlos Torres
    Participant

    Well this all happened yesterday. So it is still fresh. The last thing I said was when you know what you really want and figure things out and change your mind then contact me. In the meantime I just came back from the gym, posting here which helps me tremendously because I feel like I am not the only one who had this situation occur or is living it. She had a relationship of 5 years then one of 1.5 years she returned to the one of 5 years for a month and he shattered her heart completely. She has been single for two years before I came along in 2014. The Brazilian culture is are very close and the daughters and sons live with their parents most of the time until they are married. So right now she is not happy living at home, and not happy with her job either. She is very scared of a lot of things. Afraid to fly, afraid of relationships, insecure and negative thoughts. All this seemed to occur after she got disappointed in people.

    At this moment I will give her space, and maybe after a few weeks if I haven’t heard from her, perhaps a small text to let her know that I am doing well and I am here for her always. but I would obviously prefer she contacts me when she feels ready. I don’t want to push her away.

    Do you think talking to your ex is helping? Or does it just fulfill something emotional for you, the attachment without risking?

    Carlos Torres
    Participant

    Dear Glet, if you don’t mind me asking. Did your ex give you the space, did he let you be and did you know that once you are better that he will still be there and you two can be together?

    My only thought right now is she basically said lets just be friends and I like you as a friend. That she needs to figure herself out and why she can’t advance in this block. I mean for her to just friendzone me must be a sign of pushing me away. I just can’t see how we can be together, kissing, having sex and from one week to another just say hey, I think we need to stop this because I keep hurting you and I don’t want to do that anymore. I need to work on myself. I get the insecurity and what you are saying. I am now just realizing that it is not about me. It is about her. At least she knows that two bad relationships ago is the past and at this moment. She has a guy who was patient enough to wait for her to open up and hopefully she will know that I want to be here when she is ready and when she goes after me when she is ready.

    Dear Jodi, thank you for your response. I am taking her answer as a “No” for right now. I don’t think I can offer her friendship and that was what we ended on the last conversation. That we both agree we can’t just be friends. I told her I tried to be Mr.Right and she said you are for me but at this moment something is missing that I need to understand better about (herself)

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Carlos Torres.
    in reply to: Perfect for each other but at the wrong time? Please help me #82052
    Carlos Torres
    Participant

    Dear Glet, You just perfectly described her on point. This is exactly here, thinking she is insecure and not good enough to love or receive love. As I was reading thru your message everything you said was true. She has a “moment” where things get serious and close and then after that she distance herself. Then when she cools down and becomes calm, she then searches for me because I give her the space to miss me and to figure things out. I still have hope that things will work out in the end. But at this moment she tells me that she needs to know herself, that she needs to figure things out. If it is truly her that she can’t feel these feelings or if it is me. I believe that it is just a mental block and with her going to therapy that she will get through it. At this moment, she wants friendship with me and that isn’t going to work since we want different things at this time. All I can do is give her the space to realize what she needs to see. What she needs to want and for her to search for me when the time is right.

    in reply to: I love a women who can't love herself #73025
    Carlos Torres
    Participant

    Yue

    I challenge her all the time, I am American and she is Brazilian. I moved to Brazil last year so our cultures and different backgrounds causes us to argue and it is crazy sometimes. She is also a “friend” that is very jealous with me. That in itself causes arguments when she becomes insecure and accuses me of going out with other girls and certain situations… it almost seems like a relationship without the physical part because she is not ready for that. Although we do get close to each other, hold hands, pet names, talk a lot and stuff except kiss. That is something so difficult and I have attempted.

    in reply to: I love a women who can't love herself #73024
    Carlos Torres
    Participant

    Heartdrivenlife,

    Thank you so much for your kind words! They are a inspiration to me! To be honest what I feel about moving in this direction is that in the end it will all be worth it! As a human being though I have my doubts sometimes and think in a place of insecurity. At the moment my feelings for her are from a different feeling. Hers at this moment is only of friendship because that is all she can feel due to her situation of “feeling”. She knows my intentions, my feeling, and she realizes the effort I am putting towards her. I guess the only thing scary to me is not necessarily how long it will take. But this idea that has been put out there that when she is ready that it will be for me. I seem to think that as a man continuing to have fun with her, going with the flow and the way our “relationship” is now that the answer is obviously yes because how could she not with our tight bond that is very special to her and me.

    -Carlos

    in reply to: what do i do now that i know #73018
    Carlos Torres
    Participant

    Hey stuck, this happened to me at the end of my marriage two years ago. We tried to work things out after I discovered. Tried therapy for many months but the damage and the trust was something never regained. I mean I know how you are feeling and that sinking feeling in your heart and stomach. I think that you need to make a decision and see why he did this, what can you do moving forward.

Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)