Hello,

in a way I can relate to your situation because a person very close to me is terminally ill and I have been taking care of her for a while and probably will have to do that again in the near future at least for a little bit and I have to see the struggle against the inevitable and even question my relationship to this person and that has taken a lot out of me. I have deviated from my career plans, also gained some weight as I channeled my emotions towards food and now I have realized what has been happening.

So I am accepting that this has happened and I cannot change that, but I can realize it, accept it (although a part of me kind of wants to deny it and play it cool like everything would be normal and ok because it is quite humiliating in a way to accept that some bad stuff has hit you and that you haven’t handled it that well and that you are quite vulnerable) and make a decision to change the situation I am in.

So I am picking the pieces of my career plan (learning languages and other subjects I need, meeting people), cleaning my already plant based diet (choosing more beans, greens, vegetables, fruits and whole grains), starting working out a bit everyday plus doing some yoga and meditating.

I don’t know whether you find it helpful, but I would recommend this:

Power of Now by E. Tolle (you could also try watching this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQJnf9iassU)
Smile at Fear: Awakening the True Heart of Bravery by Chugyam Trungpa (I like this quote from this book “Success sows the seeds of future failure, and failure may bring a later success. It‘s always a dynamic process. Success and failure are saying the same thing.”)
Books by Pema Chodron

And these about whole high carbohydrates plant foods lifestyle:

The Starch Solution by dr. John Mcdougall
Eat to Live by dr. J. Fuhrmann
The China Study and others

Maybe you could try the Rich Roll podcast, eg. episode 152 https://www.richroll.com/podcast/josh-lajaunie-2/

I hope we both get back on track soon. Take care, X