Hi matt,thanks for replying it means an awful lot to me and great joke 🙂
Each part you said has been really helpful ..the weight is really down to lack of exercise ….and being with him ..in a way meant there was no rush to sort it whilst I didn’t like it .. ..he would tell me I was sexy and he wanted me which I believed I was able to trust him ….another thing to feel annoyed at myself over 🙁
Your point about both people feeling whole and self loving is very true .. I guess if it happens years into a relationship you have better foundations .my childrens father is some one who really does have many hidden issues but of course I wanted to help him …he isn’t fully to blame for how I feel now but he does play a large part …yet he is the one in a relationship but I know what he is really like …

Whilst the now ex I think he was ok and happy with him self and the space he built for himself . But I think there were things there that affected him he just dealt with it better or hid it .. I think I was a sounding box for alot of it if he realised it or not ..

So this morning I woke and I have to start the same cycle again I’m finding that hard and I’m still stuck on feeling I have lost a really good thing someone else will have kindness …his lovely meals ,his attention ,his time,his words it was quite a while since he had a girlfriend so maybe he won’t for a while again …
I know it’s no good thinking like this but it’s this guilt that I have lost out I can’t get over I keep reading your hog wash comment ..which helps me 🙂
Whilst I can see it must be draining if your trying to guide someone in the end if he was the person he made himself out to be and he thought I was it …yes people have changes of mind ..but why isn’t he here fighting for me ?or even been able to talk to me properly about it his just ran away …to protect himself but then I’m back to thinking can’t of been that bad or he wouldn’t of wanted to see me so much ..

I’ve just waffled sorry ..seems selfish but I’m hoping you kind folks will give me some clarity
Thank you so much
Daniella

P.s I do know he has lost something good in me I know he saw it ..I think I was different to other girls in a good way he told me he I had morals for a start ..at my best I am a loyal faithful girl ..I don’t give up on people it’s why I’m trying not to give up on me