Hello Anita

Yes you are right. A bit distant but without being too much. It’s also true that I need to speak about me, what I did, may changes.. independent of her because as you say she may feel guilty or pressure or anything.. It’s also not a light choice for her.
It is also in some exchange of text messages where I will initiate the conversation and offer her to come, I might also start with light messages and good memories that could make smile and light the burden.
Body languages is indeed also very important. Her voice could be weak. I remember when I called her or had her on video it was difficult and was almost always tired due to anti-depressant pills.
Yes asking so would be some attention that she needs.

I understand.I should talk less but better. It’s also not trying to prove everything but that she sees I am attentive. I would like to get interested in her, her family, her friends but she could also be tired and not handle too much.
When I’m talking, it’s also not to always prove what I did, what I changed its’s more informative and a bit distance that she sees it’s for myself too. She would be happy for me and will remember it. You are right language by smile, body is very important and could express and reassure her. Even some moment of silence with those is important.  In that view she can really feel comfortable and not feeling pressure.
Some light subjects such as humour can also help right ? I also learnt her language. I even showed her diploma by picture one week before she makes her decision and she was looking forward to speak together and meet. I think it can be a good idea to be distracted. We won’t have serious conversation because my level is still low but she will be happy. But I remember she told me once she would like I know her language to understand her culture and her family.
This would be very helpful that she feels comfortable and peaceful. And then complicity could be reinstated.

Thank you again, it’s very useful everything you told me.

Hello Anita

Yes it’s true. Here too. In our case if I wouldn’t be vaccinated it wouldn’t be even possible to travel to some places – including Ukraine. And soon it will be also require to go to some places.

Yes indeed. She also said we broke up since almost one year ago.  Technically it’s a break but perhaps in her mind it’s also such as a break up. It also means I wouldn’t maybe able to be present with some signs you told me in first message such holding hands.

It’s true that our issue was also being separated for so long time without being physically present.  And the distance (that was also due to the covid) didn’t help. It even did opposite because texts probably brought some misunderstanding. But a friend told me that in my situation the distance and the break was also favorable in order to perform some of my chances I needed to do anyway.

But on the other hand since january, I witnessed positive progresses in our communication and getting closer. And few months ago if she wouldn’t have developed another depression (or a burn-out), we could have met. We were talking every day and I felt from my side it came back. After I don’t know I need to see. We were together 7 years which is long time enough to keep some feelings.
As for me, even if 1 year and a half passed since our last meeting, I can’t forget and was emotionally connected to her even by distance. I remember she loved me very much and it was also a reason why she was patient to wait for my changes and decided the break. Even if she called it later a break up.

But as you say, it will depends on the meeting in person. She was also waiting for those changes. And coming as a new person could make a difference. Until last months, she were waiting and ready to see those. And again in last messages, she spoke about changes being not enough that she couldn’t see in person.  So yes I guess it will be also up to me bring most chances.

Thank you ! She will have to see in real the difference. She acknowledged, saw some but all this by text. But still, she decided so to break up. Indeed this is something I need to try to do so she feels understood and supported. Because before I was totally another who cared only about herself.

No she doesn’t know. Since her decision I left her space and silence for some time. Now I will try to reconnect with her and tell her I will try to come to take some things and perhaps we will be able to have a discussion somewhere and she will accept it.

Thank you Anita

I don’t think it was because of money. We didn’t talk about salary. When she said it was not enough, it was about the last messages in general. Or maybe to excuse what we should go on separate ways I don’t know. I don’t know exactly what aspect she was talking about. But she is not the kind of person who require some money. Knowing her, it would be sufficient to be happy with what we have.
But before it was true that she was saying that without a job, she couldn’t see how living together could be possible.

In her depression I really don’t know how she is. And I guess first step would be to have a time together in real life, not texting anymore. Before we were exchanging quite a lot and she seemed happy for my changes and even 1 week before her decision, she was looking forward we could meet.

Thank you for your answer Anita.

I didn’t make my introduction. I am Damien from France and she lives in Ukraine which has a complicated situation because of war in the eastern part of the country. That also explain some traumatism as her family lives in the region.

That’s correct. We have been dating for 7 years Also depression came from different factors because at the same I had some personal problems that affected negatively the relationship. So she decided the pause in order I change. But depression also came from other factors such as her work and the situation during covid, and being alone in the flat we shared sometime and without opportunity to see her family.

Yes after some time of silence, we spoke sometime to give news and by january we reinstalled communication and step by step  complicity.
But then indeed she made another episode. More related to work I guess but it could be also connected to the first one.
I could have offered to come earlier but when I offered this by end of june, she was probably in bad condition and then she made the decision to go on our seperate ways.
She also said that my changes are not enough but I don’t know if it’s a excuse or not. She also didn’t see me so she can’t know for sure.

Yes I believe that now the opportunity would be to go to take some of my stuff to also make her space in the flat but also this would be opportunity because we would meet at least after so long time.  And as you say it could maybe make a difference and some support. By text it’s not the same and it could be even a reason by being alone that it worsened her condition.
So this would be last chance. But I don’t know how she is exactly. She could also require some time or she would even want to move on. I don’t know but at least physically meeting could change something and if not at least allow some time and be in contact until she gets better. I don’t know if I could hold hand or something if we are not couple anymore. But for sure it could change being physically close. It will depend on the level of her depression.

She is pharmacist. She didn’t directly work with covid patients but saw some of colleagues she worked with dying and this is a shock. I remember she shared this with me some months ago.

Thanks for your time.