Hello teak

I will finally go after after visit to her family. Around the 15th was tight. And it may also make her more relieved, relaxed and she will have fill up her love tank. After 3 years no seeing them, she would be in good spirits. She felt pretty alone without someone near her except some friends. It would be good opportunity to listen to her about her visit.

Yes I will tell her until we have a date together. Of course I can’t come just like that. And also when she will be fully available like week end. If she need more time of course I will wait.

Yes in that way she doesn’t feel pressure. I already told her for example I had work appointments and that I hope I will be able to tell her more when I will see her. But just telling her to talk and have a conversation in real. Without expectation indeed. It’s my last chance. It can either work or not. Or she just need more time. Just talking and how are our lives. Then she could see how I am . It’s also important she feels a projection of a future as I imagine it was a reason why she decided to not wait anymore. She needs to feel perspectives and identifies a future we both want. And not identifies me as the past she knew me and where she suffered.

Thank you.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by damien.

Hello

You quite didn’t understand everything. Pretty difficult by distance I imagine. I don’t pursue anything. I will go there and feel how you we are together. But anyway this hard to explain. I will go and in anycase everything will be different compare to what expect or fear and what will be. Maybe my english is not well enough and you misinterpreted . But you tend to select some quotes of your choice and make your opinion without understanding the whole story. You don’t quote other ones.
She shared specifically with me about this anniversary because it’s important for her and this is care. If I would be that distant, I wouldn’t have reconnected after the break last year.

Once you suggest I should come once other not and once again other.. What was exposed was things from the past. And she believe in me and my changes. She just didn’t see them in person And we didn’t met since january 2020. Is it normal ? Even healthy couples could have issue with just texting for so long no see. Don’t you believe in other chances and working the best on ourselves to improve and be better in the future ? That may explain high divorces rates in our countries. So I don’t understand when you say ”I will hurt her again”. I know couples who are happy after they solved their problems.

I will go there. It was advices from friends knowing her. I just wanted to have different inputs how to deal the situation.

I won’t disturb you further. Anyway thanks for all suggestions you gave.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by damien.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by damien.

PAST

Regrets. What I failed, I failed in my behavior.

You suffered. I remember what you sacrificed. And why you are here in this flat/city.

You waited so much. I didn’t move one finger about marriage (from 2015 !)

It was a lot of time suffering. I left you terribly alone in this city you first didn’t know.

My behavior was bad in the relationship and hurted so much.

You took everything on yourself, forgot yourself. All that even didn’t realize how you suffered because I was too deep in my problem and extremely egocentrist.

It partly took you to the condition you (had?).

I hurted you so much. I sincerely regret and apologize. It was important for me and for you I think to tell you in person.

But I thank you so much. I am so grateful from you. You did the best to make me fully aware and provoked a huge wake-up.
I am so thankful to you for that.

The break-up was necessary. Without, I would stay the same and hurt you even much more.

I have now full conscience and realized what you sacrified and suffered.

I know now where I am going.

Thanks to you, I woke up awareness of all this.

PRESENT.

I set off, changed and undertook. It was a deep electrochoc.

I couldn’t stand my life anymore. I wanted to grow.

Thanks to you and what I did was for me first.

Today I feel not another but changed into a better person. And it’s partly thanks to you.

I made peace with my OLD ME and the past.

I changed with the help of friends, the therapist that I continue to see.

I changed my behavior, relation and care with others.

I am now ready to give and not only receive.

I wasn’t ready at all for a relationship. I realize it now.

I found a job I like.

I was very active sending many resumes and got several interviews.

I like the hotel industry. It gives many opportunities and evolutions after.And opportunities to move.

For example, the manager of one french hotel in Kyiv is french.

I also continue in parallel projects for freelancing, blogging..

I continue to learn russian.

FUTURE.

I am now happy grown up and have a clear direction where I want to go.

I have my plans, my projects.

I am ready to commit forward.

I am also going to find a tiny studio to stay in Paris.

I know what I want. I want to have a serious relationship. At my age it’s time to think about marriage. And I’ll want to start a family. I will be of course so happy if you give me a new chance.

————-

I know you live a difficult time and still want to support and help you.

Asking how she is, worry and care about her. Support, attentive.

Entertain her, make her smile, make her feel better, and remind her of good memories.

Help her, hold the door.

I am giving you time and space. I know you live difficult times. But I am here for you. I respect your choice but know I’ll be there.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by damien.

As I said it didn’t exactly required an answer when I said I hope to tell more when I will come. But perhaps it could have pushed her ? It’s true that she took her decision when I offered to come to be there and support her. So I don’t know how she felt. Because seeing would be the opportunity for her to see my change at the time.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by damien.

Thank you Anita.

What would you recommend for second ? I thought about recalling some good memory. It could also sooth her. Without being nostalic though.

Thanks for your french.

Yes I hope. Even if I will have to refrain in the beginning like asking why she broke up.

It’s true. She wouldn’t like as such. If I were, she wouldn’t see as the person she loved. But making a better person.

Thank you for your advice.

Hello anita

I don’t know if you understand all aspects. My intend is to marry.  But if you see the relationship at the moment, it’s definitively not what she wants to hear. She must know I am open to it that’s true. But it is not her priority right now.  It’s too early in the sense that we first need to adopt each other again. We will do step by step. It’s very difficult to know the whole situation but I would tell it’s not by telling her it would change something for the moment. What is the most important is that she feels secure : the job, my changes etc. Then we will consider next steps together and we will.

But it’s true I may tell her this. Not that I am not ready. But all steps must be made before to achieve it. We will do fast anyway because we can’t do long distance anymore.  Some points can remain unclear for you. But the main issue was not to get marry. Yes at some point she wanted. But at the end she realized it wasn’t a good idea until I cleared the problems I had.

I just contaxcted her today. But it was still very distance. We need to take the temperature. I can’t return to her that fast we need to take our time. I was almost afraid to ask her to already come in 10 days.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by damien.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by damien.

Hello anita.

In fact, I tried to explain that I had different issues. Because before I didn’t solve my problems, I couldn’t commit. We were talking about, wanted to doo it. But I always escaped or avoided. I think I wasn’t mature. Because my situation was not great.

Sorry I meant lifetime commitment. Yes I will do what is take in order to be able to live together. But as of now, it will be too early to offer her this right after. We’ll have to start over something new and she’ll have to trust me and see how I am.

I have ready to commit in order to live with her. We never really lived together. So I was saying that for us marriage is a must. If living in the same country, we would have already start it and marry later. What I am ready is to commit to live with her whatever it takes.