Dear Lindsay,

First of all I would like to congratulate to post you story. It cannot be easy to expose yourself like that; I think it is very courageous of you.

I am not a recovering alcoholic or drug addict so I won’t be able to advise you on that section. Please forgive the parallel I am going to make between your addiction and what was mine. They are not the same and mine was far less intense.

I was a smoker for about 18 years averaging more or less a pack per day. My wife and I didn’t want to raise our first child in a smoking environment we decided to quit smoking. We have tried three times before actually succeeding.

The first time we tried to stop gradually but it didn’t work because the slightest problem triggered a smoke and since we hadn’t stopped properly we kind of slowed down to finally get back to smoking the same quantities.

The second time we tried to stop totally from one day to the next without getting mentally prepared and it lasted 3 days.

The third we understood we needed a plan so we took our time, got advices from here and there, read a lot. We finally decided to go with a 5€ method (Allen Carr Easy Way To Stop Smoking) which was the right move since we haven’t had a smoke for the past 13 years. And yes I do feel like a good cigarette from time to time but I have the choice to do it or not.

Ok I know, you are probably thinking it is only cigarette and not heroin and that I shouldn’t compare one with the other. You have a point but please bear with me, I won’t provide you with a solution but maybe a direction.

The key to your success is a good preparation, you must plan when you are going to stop, how and prepare for the future and the cravings.

Allen Carr was a very heavy smoker and successfully quitted smoking using the method described in his book. His method is very simple, while you are planning, getting ready to quit and reading the whole book carry on smoking. The book itself talks about how bad smoking is for you and your entourage and it contains loads of other facts. So basically while you are reading the book Allen Carr is planting new perspectives about your smoking habit and although you knew most of the facts reading them over and over through the book is like a brainwashing session. By the end of the book you are still smoking but you definitely want to quit for sure.

How does this relate to you? To me you seem like a functioning person with a serious addiction. Your goal is to get your daughter back and get that “true happiness and pure, untainted joy” again. It will come with some drawback “the bond that’s formed by getting fucked up with someone is just way stronger or more enjoyable than the bonds i make or feel when I’m sober” no more stronger and more enjoyable bonds for some time at least but this is all for your daughter and you.

You are motivated, those subs help you, they are good in the sense that you are not shooting (breaking the gesture habit). It’s one step but you need a proper plan now!

On one road there is you, your daughter, your mum, your health, that “true happiness and pure, untainted joy” and just the regular life you are aware of, no drugs.

On the other road there is an unhappy soul, a poisoned body, some stealing episodes, money problems, lies and drugs.

I know which road you’d like to follow, who you’d like to be and what you’d like to do. Go to you mum look at your daughter and plan everything with your mum. Plan, plan, plan.

Decide when you are going to quit for good.

Plan to go to detox again.

And most importantly plan for after the detox, plan differently, get busy, don’t stay alone too often. Also get rid of your friends who are still using, get rid of their phone numbers address and do not meet with them ever again. You know that you will fall off the wagon if you still see or hang around with them. Plan and anticipate for those difficult days when cravings hit you hard, plan A, plan B, plan C, plan D, plan E. You must have at least 5 backups; they can be safe people and/or safe actions. The more plans the better. Heroin cannot be an option!

You will not succeed if you do not prepare yourself for the future and if you do not take radical measures like stop seing those friend. Again it’s all for your daughter.

Once clean, at first you will feel like the regular life is not exciting as it used to be, that it is dull and that it would be good to get some of those chemical. But you have the choice to say no, because of your daughter, because it is not you anymore. I know it will be tempting, even just once, but once you have decided to quit it is forever and not once should you try again. You always have the choice to say no and to run away, your one and only goal is your daughter. Through her you will find again joy, excitement, life. It’s not about you anymore it’s all about her and for her.

Now what?

Get in the mood to quit, start reading, get interested in it, shop around for a good detox clinic, go and visit those clinics, get involved, feel the excitement of the change that is coming. Let it grow so big that you will have to set up a quitting date, stick to your plans like a robot would do. Make a pledge to quit for the rest of your life.

Get a sponsor, consider hypnotherapy (get someone good, do you research).

You are now walking in the same direction hand in hand with your daughter and that’s all that matters.

Wish you all the best.