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January 16, 2021 at 3:19 pm #372937
Shattered Pieces: How are you coping now?January 16, 2021 at 3:16 pm #372936
Shattered Pieces: Wow, this gave me chills. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
My relationship started the same way….with constant texts, checking up…I thought, wow….why does he love me so much. He was very depressed (in hindsight, I realize he was never really happy). I heard stories of how horrid his ex was and treated him badly. Now I realize, he is probably doing the same with this new girl about me. He literally depleted me…I was exhausted. Everything was to please him. I was running to NYC every other weekend and walking on eggshells around him toward the end.
His parents didn’t want him to come to the states….he did it chasing a girl (his now ex wife). It seems as though he’s never fulfilled. He will always be looking for something more. I do agree, that I am saving myself a lot of hurt in the future (he actually admits to me there is something wrong with him and my life would be ruined with him). But, I still love him. I don’t know why. I still don’t want to see him fail in life….and he is because he’s so wrapped up in the other stuff he’s letting the rest of his life take a shit after he worked so hard.
I need to learn that it is not my problem. I have my own life. What I was once respected for (working full time, managing a department, owning my own home, raising two little girls)….is now frowned upon by him. It’s sad to me that his parents just see me as some white girl with two kids and created this narrative of who they think I am…..and he doesnt have the courage to stand up for me. That tells me he never truly loved me or my girls, as he says he did. And that, that breaks my heart. Now he wants a woman who will stay home all day and cook…..yet she’s white….pretending to be Indian because she practices a certain sect of Hinduism? His parents will never accept that either. It’s a never ending shit loop with him…I wish I could just get that through my head and let go. It doesn’t help that I see him multiple times a day at hospital and we are in meetings together (at least in these times they are zoom and I do not have to face him).
I want this pain to go away. I wish I never met him. It was bad from the start and I missed so many red flags. I remember in the beginning, he asked me if I regret marrying my ex husband (who is literally like my best friend now) and I said no, we were babies, we grew together…had two beautiful children….and I learned and grew from it. He got so angry with me, that he blocked me from everything for a day. I couldn’t communicate with him, because I wouldn’t say I regretted my previous marriage. Then when he unblocked, it was me apologizing and trying to make things better.
I realize this only got worse as time went on. I was afraid to stay anything to him….or else I would be blocked, degraded, called a “whore”….yet, I still thought this was love. It’s sick, because until about two months ago when I found out he was in fact with this girl…..I was hoping deep inside that we would somehow still work out. Pathetic.January 12, 2021 at 6:10 pm #372716
He didn’t have a family back in India. I knew who his ex wife was. She also worked at the same hospital as us. She was actually Indian as well, but not from his caste (tribe I should say), and he married her without telling his parents. They later found it, this was not accepted at first….they eventually came around…but I believe the relationship was doomed because of that.
A year ago, I had expressed that if he couldn’t be with me for family, then what were we doing….we should have just ended it. He persisted that we should continue and we would get through it. Why meet my girls and get close to them? Why cheat on me, then come to the same hospital I work. He also said I manipulated him to accept job there…I did not. I actually said I refused to be part of the decision of where he accepted, because for fear we did not work out…I did not want to be blamed. I think he always knew we would never work and he just used me to get through a hard time in his life. Which kills me, because how could I have loved someone so so much and only see good in them…despite the constant roller coaster that was our relationship. I just always felt bad for him and thought he was depressed or going through a hard time. Now he seems like a monster to me and I feel so stupid. Why lie? How can’t someone be so tired of constantly living a lie?
I don’t know how he can see me in the hallways and not feel shamed. I don’t know how he doesn’t try to avoid me. I still try to tell myself that maybe he didn’t cheat on me with this girl….although I know he did. I don’t want to believe it, because I want to believe so badly that he is the person I fell in love with.
I wasted two years of my life with him. Even since our break up I have went through months of agony, questioning everything…trying to find answers. Researching ISKON and Hare Krishna. I have wasted so much time when I should have been focusing on my girls. I feel pathetic.
Thank you so much for your responses. I’m doing the best I have in months…but it still sucks.