@calebw , sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time. Now on what to do – I can definitively say you should stick with your parents’ path and be miserable til you’re 18. That may sound crazy, but here’s my reasoning. Your parents want what’s best for you. They’re human, imperfect, and will have their own challenges (such as your dad’s high standards,etc) but they are trying to do their best to steer you down a drug and alcohol-free path where you will stay out of situations that might hurt your opportunities for the future. Their swift and intense reaction to your drug use is a huge indicator of that. They desperately want you on a good path, and will do whatever it takes to get you there. They know you need to finish school and that dropping out for a job right now won’t lead you to the life you want or are capable of. You may not recognize these things right now, but your parents are right (I’m 31, and looking back, have seen exactly how many thing my parents were right about in my teenage years 😉 it’s humbling!)

Although it seems like a nightmare right now, try to think about the love they’re showing you by keeping you away from some of your old habits. Like the posters above said – these things are escapes from anxiety. We all use escapes, but some are more productive than others. You may have to live with the anxiety for awhile (teenage years are full of unpleasant emotions and growth!) so what could you do that is a more positive coping mechanism? Some people write, others exercise, some garden or build things, etc. Channel your anxiety into an activity that makes you forget it. Mine is singing and songwriting – yours will be wherever your passion lies.

In the meantime, challenge yourself to see your parents’ actions as an indication of just how much they love you and want to see you happy and successful (however you define that). This is hard on them too – drug use and self-harm are serious issues with potentially lifelong repercussions, so they’re doing whatever they can to keep you on the straight and narrow – even if it’s a tough love approach. I promise if you follow their path, you will be grateful when you’re a few years older, in a good place, and looking back on this time.

Julie, glad you are reaching out with your situation. It sounds like this shift to college has been pretty tough on you. Not to fear – many people have difficulty adjusting to a new lifestyle. Think about all that starting college means – drifting away from friendships you may have held since early childhood, being in a new environment where the “norm” might be partying, drinking to excess, and other life choices that you might not be interested in. It is stressful for most, even if they do fit into the lifestyle.
I would suggest that you try as hard as you can to avoid catastrophizing – a month is a short time to work with. Everyone I knew at college, from the stereotypical “jocks” to the punk kids or reclusive artist-types (of which I was one) ended up making friends. Like you, I was an introvert, and most of my friends were my roommates – that’s completely ok. I discovered my love of songwriting and poetry in college, which required a lot of alone time. My roommates partied without me when they felt like getting crazy, and with me when we were having more laid back social gatherings. It was uncomfortable to uproot my life and develop a new identity as an adult, but I made it, and look back on those times as some of the best of my life (I’m 31 now). Also, getting used to uncertainty and change benefitted me in the long run, as I went to grad school and moved about 5 different times after that.

If I were you, I’d take a step back and let things happen for awhile instead of putting so much pressure on yourself to “fit in” immediately. Think about what hobbies or school subjects interest you, and look for groups on campus that involve those things to meet people like you. Slowly integrate yourself into the community as you feel comfortable. If you are pretty sure you want to take up nursing, spend your spare time volunteering at a clinic or hospital where you can be in contact with people in your intended profession, and see if it’s really what you want. Also, take courses that would easily transfer to a nursing school (intro bio and chem probably, some psychology, etc) so if you make the switch, you will be a step ahead and won’t feel as much like your dad worked for nothing. College is an opportunity for personal growth, and unfortunately growth isn’t always as fun and painless as people think. Give yourself a full year to adjust, and if you still hate it after that, there’s no shame in transferring. I know many people who bounced around a bit in college and are successful today. Best wishes and keep your head up! You will get through it!