Hey John,

Thank you for you sharing your thoughts. I think I may have misrepresented her in my post. She is a strong and gentle person but like all of us she is not without her insecurities. And sometimes they do get the better of her. I know it has only been a day since I posted this. But I am learning to accept the unknown. I promised myself that I would give my best effort to reconcile with this woman. Suggestions such as yours have calmed my emotions and mind, which I fall victim to quite often. I thought I could always trust myself and allow my actions guide my life because I was secure in myself. It turns out, I am quite selfish.

You are right, relationships should feel like equal grounds. Things should be said in honesty with hearts open if the relationship is genuine. We were there once but we lost our way. I’ve accepted the fact that we both need our space to find ourselves. But I’m not quite ready to exit her life just yet. If things don’t work out for us I now have a better vision of what a relationship should be like. Thanks John.

Thank you Matt. You basically said everything I have been wracking around in my head. I’m not afraid to admit it, I am guilty of much of what you have just said. I know I need to give her space, I’ve always known. I was just too selfish and I made everything about me and my feelings and so I acted them out. Never fully realizing how full her plate already is and how my actions would affect her. I know it will be difficult but I need to give her space.

I never thought to nurture myself because I always felt like I do love myself (not in a coincided or narcissistic way). But when you said I was codependent on her, it struck a chord in me. It hurt my ego, and that’s how I knew you were right. I’ll give your suggestions a try. I actually started metta meditation at my desk this morning. So far it has worked wonderfully for me. This is the longest I have been able to control my thoughts. When I did think of her I was able to let it go and shift my attention back to the present. I hope I can keep this up. If I can, I can start to give her what she needs without obsessing over her as you put it.

That’s a brilliant idea with the flowers to make her desk more beautiful. I think she would really appreciate that along with one of her favorite snacks. I think I will do that. I’ll use this moment of clarity to promise myself to begin my journey to healing. I like the idea of making her journey better and brighter with or without me. I’ll try to be creative in my ways to be genuinely supportive. Thanks again Matt, you have truly helped.