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famo

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  • July 22, 2024 at 12:41 am #435220
    famo
    Participant

    Dear Helcat,

    I figured out that me being triggered all the time might become a little problematic in this relationship. I agree with you about meeting standards, and now I feel that needing to meet a little more is not wrong. But I am being ignorant of the fact that he is depressed because I am too anxious about being left alone, and all I think about is myself.

    About discussing my needs: I tried that, and he said that he is not able to compromise (“I don’t want any human interaction at the moment”).

     

    July 22, 2024 at 12:32 am #435219
    famo
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I don’t remember the month, but it was about four years ago when I was so desperate about my now ex. It indeed was a different account my name was LUna, and shortly after my thread, I broke up with him. It was the best decision and  because I was sad at the time and didn’t want to keep my thread, so I requested to remove my account.

    I am going to start from me being heavily anxious in my attachment and relationships. I am aware of that, and because of this, I can’t trust my senses anymore. My mind is constantly telling me negative things, so I rely on others to help me decide about things that are going on.

    And wow, I never thought about me rejecting his expression of himself. You see, his jokes are a little harsh, and it was really hard for me to handle. Now that I think about it, it could make sense. I actually feel bad now, and I don’t know how to fix this. So basically, I destroyed everything with my triggers. What should I do about myself, as I feel that I cannot keep things good with me being triggered all the time?

    July 21, 2024 at 12:14 am #435185
    famo
    Participant

    Hi Helcat!

    Thank you

    Dates are good and I still enjoy them. He is such a nice man to hangout with. He didn’t cut contact with me. The problem is that those dates and phone contacts are less frequent than what is appropriate.

    “Maybe with other people he doesn’t even bother to meet up when he’s feeling bad”—well, this is what he says to me, but I don’t want to be compared to other people. 🙁

    I think it could be a combination of both.

    So there is no such thing as what is right and wrong in my situation ;Is it  about what is right for me?

    I wanted to know if I had the right to complain about feeling neglected in this situation.

     

    July 21, 2024 at 12:02 am #435184
    famo
    Participant

    Sure, here is the corrected text:

    <hr />

    Hi Anita,

    It’s great to hear from you! You’ve been such a help to me over the past four years. Having you here is like having that reliable family member.

    I don’t think it’s because of repeated misunderstandings, because every time we talked it out and solved our problems. But now that you mentioned it, I remember being told by him that I’m too sensitive and that he can’t talk to me without second-guessing everything. I should also mention that this came from him because he thought he could joke and mess around with me like with other workmates(at work), but I’m not the type to enjoy joking around. I don’t know why he linked that to second-guessing everything in our relationship.

    And about sharing his problems, he never shared anything with me. I have to keep asking and asking to get him to share even a little thing. It’s normal for me to talk about my family, and talking about this stuff means intimacy to me. Best friends always share information about themselves, so why not couples? Regarding my reaction, I see myself as a thoughtful and careful person when he talks to me. I try to listen more than talk every time.

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