Forum Replies Created
February 23, 2021 at 10:09 pm #375158
I used to have low self-confidence that I could not do anything without my parents, but ever since I started university in another country, I believe in myself more as I am more conscious about my study habit, expenditure, and living overall.
Alright, I’m going to discuss this with my therapist in the upcoming session.
Thank you and hope you have a good day.February 23, 2021 at 9:54 pm #375157
Hope you are doing well. I highly appreciate the time and effort you make for writing back to me.
This makes me think more about myself yesterday, and in fact, I wrote a long journal reflecting my anxiety in these past weeks. On how would I approach a highly distressing situation in a better way, rather than acting impulsively.
Also, Anita, I have a question, ‘For the anxiously attached, it takes personal healing within and without a relationship, so to be at peace.’ – what does personal healing within and without a relationship mean and look like?
On a side note, I think I’m generally feeling better with the breakup. Although the longing for him to come back is still actually there, I’m not anxious anymore. I suppose this breakup is a lesson for me from the universe and if he is meant to be, it will be.
Thank you.February 22, 2021 at 5:57 pm #375079
Hope you are doing well today and thank you for your time to respond to my question. You are totally right and my therapist agrees with this. I had a long session with her yesterday, even though I had a hard time recalling all the memories I had in my childhood, my therapist was patient enough to ask me some long questions.
I think I knew where my abandonment issue coming from, this is due to the trauma left behind when my parents were busy working and providing necessities since we were not rich, I felt emotionally neglected. Also, when I was still in primary school, my mom would make a mock exam a day before the real test and I had to get a high score from her. There were a number of times when I could not answer my mom’s tests and she would throw a fit, e.g. yelling, throwing the book to my face. She would apologize after this by giving treatment or cooking some warm meals. I guess I am accustomed to this behavior, but deep down, I was mostly afraid I would be neglected again if I’m not smart enough.
As I grew up, I tried to emphatize my parents, trying to understand my parents were still young when they had me, and working hard might add some stress as well. I could not blame them for these.
I think, for now, I am trying to parent my inner child that, ‘I’m safe and my parents will never leave me behind.’
Oh, and my childhood friend abandoned me a year ago, we just talked yesterday after she found my social media. We agreed to have a phone call this weekend when we are not busy with work and school.
Thank you again.
Hope you are doing well today too.
Thank you for your post. I will take my time to read this after work and get back to you again.February 20, 2021 at 3:53 pm #375003
Thinking from your perspective does make a lot of sense, I spend many days recuperating myself by meditation. Sometimes in the middle of the day, while I am doing nothing, I totally agree with you in terms of lashing out. It is unfair for us to let our ugliness out and projecting our own insecurities to others.
I am mostly taking everything for granted and I just realized this a few days ago.
Thank you for chipping in and giving me some helpful advice. I wish a better future for him and for me, and oh, for you too and anyone else. In the time being, I am focusing on my career and my family. Cheers.
Thank you for your explanation. It was totally clear and easy to read, my therapist also said the same thing like yours did. Last month, I was honestly obsessed with watching videos of breakups and ghosting and it came down to attachment style and the explanation behind it.
After talking to my therapist, I think I may have abandonment issues from friends that have been with me since childhood, and now she just disappeared out of blue. I am still working on it and hoping for a better me in the next chapter.
I have a question, does attachment style (e.g: anxious) always caused by the way they rise in a family? Or external factors could cause it too (e.g. being avoidant)?
Thank you.February 9, 2021 at 2:46 pm #374396
I feel better, thank you.
In regards to my lashing out, I did not call him names, or threatening him. It was more demanding from my side, i.e I said, ‘why is it so hard for you to pick up my calls, and I was incredibly selfish to actually hope you could come even though you are sick, and I was upset as well with your disappearance act yesterday night.’
The next morning when I re-read again my texts, I could not help but to blame myself since my texts sounded angry.
You are so right, he is a man who likes quiet and peacefulness. But, I am different, I am very vocal about my feelings, any conflicts arising, or even any slight thing that bothers me.
In these past weeks, I was blaming myself quite a lot for not controlling my emotions better. I talked to my family and counselor about every single thing, they told me to be kind to myself and accept every human being has their own flaws. Even though I kept myself busy and tired throughout the period of January, my mind was busy with the heartbreak.
I had to admit maybe I was the coward one, I could not stay at my rented house for a whole week since every nook and cranny reminded me of him, I could not watch my favorite shows, I could not eat properly, I could not be myself anymore.
Journaling and encouraging words from my friends hugely help me to process and accept this breakup.
I have something to ask, do you still it is still okay if I cling to the hope of him coming back one day?