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September 13, 2017 at 6:32 am #168520FelitaParticipant
Dear Anita,
what do you mean by that?
Dear Peter,
That’s good point. But how do you differentiate where the voice comes from?
September 12, 2017 at 10:24 am #168418FelitaParticipantDear Anita,
Thank you for replying since my first thread. Your dedication is highly appreciated.
I just think I’m raised normally. No intimate relationship but not cold either. Just normal and average. But one thing I remember about bad childhood memory is when I asked questions to my mom. I was a curious kid so I asked a lot. I remember when I was under age 10 (I don’t really remember my exact age), I asked my mom “mom, what is the meaning of ‘that’?” (I asked it in my native language so yeah maybe you won’t really get the context) and my mom answered “are you really don’t know or pretend to not know?”. It’s kinda shock to me that my mom thought like that. maybe she thought I just wanted attention or what. But my relationship with my mom now is okay tho. Just normal.
September 12, 2017 at 10:18 am #168416FelitaParticipantDear Patrick,
Thanks for writing back. So to answer your questions:
1. A person, met at an event. We became close and I got really attached. It was not mutual because i didn’t feel the love meanwhile the person loved me so much. We ended it.
2. I’m raised like normal. Well, my family is Chinese conservative but I’m not living in China. I can’t hug or kiss my parents, it’s just awkward and we are not accustomed to do that. Even saying I love you, it’s just not our family thing. But I talk to them normally, joke around, and share daily stories. To my siblings too.
3. In high school, I didn’t feel like this. I’m sure that before senior high school, I had a good self-esteem. But now, i can say that my self-esteem is low because I’m easily offended by critics.
I’m trying hard every day to not let the evil thoughts control me. I know it’s there. So what I’m doing now is not to get into my thought too much. If I think it’s gonna make me crazy, I will step back from my thought and take it easy. Thanks once again, Patrick.
felita.
September 1, 2017 at 8:41 pm #166614FelitaParticipantHi nobody,
Why do you think killing someone will make you sane again? Is that so you can remove your lonely feeling?
If that so, try not to get rid of it. Feel the feeling. You said “can’t stand it anymore”, in my opinion, if you want to be sane again, feel your feeling. All humans have feeling, even the most logical person on earth, they have feeling too. Don’t resist the feeling and embrace it. Try slowly to get in touch with your feeling, identify it and talk to people. It can help you maybe to share stories with people and empathize. And last important thing, you’re not a murderer. Everyone makes mistakes. It is our choice to let the mistakes ruin us or to let them make us grow be a better person. Hope it helps.
Felita.
August 15, 2017 at 7:01 pm #164156FelitaParticipantHi Anita,
I’m doing okay here. Sometimes the craziness is still there but I’m managing it well. Thank you for asking 🙂
Dear Lacy Rigs,
you can start your own thread so that other members can reply and talk to you. But most of all, I think you have to connect deeply with yourself first. Ask yourself do you really want to be with him. Assess your feelings when you are with him and you’ll know the answer. That’s what I think. Hope it helps.
felita
August 15, 2017 at 7:39 am #164022FelitaParticipantHi Connie,
I think I feel related with your ex as how you described it “Maybe he’s so hurt that he doesn’t think things will ever work out again, but at the meantime he’s not ready to let go everything yet. Regardless how painful the breakup is to him, he still chooses to not return.”
I am also like that. My ex partner asked me to get back together couple times but I could never give the answer. It’s because I have some hesitations. Afraid that we both will get hurt again and at the same time, we still have strong attachment and can’t let go yet. And I think the best solution is to take a step back and cut off contacts for some times. That’s what I’m doing. I mean, if you’re meant for each other, you will be. But if not, maybe it is just it is. That no answer is the answer itself. Let both of you grow to be better person first. That’s what I think. Hope it helps.
August 12, 2017 at 11:14 pm #163698FelitaParticipantDear Gia,
How do you love yourself?
August 12, 2017 at 9:56 pm #163694FelitaParticipantDear Gia,
I will hug and support the person. I will be there as long as the person needs me. I will love the person no matter how bad the person is. I will cherish them and make them smile again.
I know that I have to do that to myself. But it’s hard. I think I don’t believe in myself enough to do that. How should I do? I read a lot about self-love practice but still…
August 12, 2017 at 9:38 pm #163690FelitaParticipantDear Gia,
I have a very high self-criticism. To see me “sad and crazy” Felita, I think I’m having mental illness or so what. I think I’m worthless without her. I’m nothing without her. Because she sees me in a way I don’t see myself. She said I’m smart, and I don’t think I’m that smart. I always put finger on myself. I think I’m a monster because I let my ego control me for too long. That me being crazy like this is just because I want her attention, to make myself feel good again. Don’t you think I’m a bad person?
August 12, 2017 at 9:09 pm #163684FelitaParticipantDear Gia,
Thanks for replying. I haven’t got up from bed since morning. The moment I woke up, the only thing I can think of is how painful it is not be able to contact her anymore. My head is spinning, my eyes are swollen from crying the whole morning, feels like there’s a stone inside my throat holding tears. We live in different country and we didn’t tell anyone when we were in relationship. So I don’t know where to escape. Basically, I only talked to her in 9 months we dated. Now that she’s gone, I don’t know who to rely on. She’s always there.
I can’t talk to family about this. They know nothing about this. I miss her voice, her face, her jokes. The memories just keep replaying. I don’t know what is this. How to let go of this attachment?
August 12, 2017 at 8:32 pm #163676FelitaParticipantHi.
Sorry to write again. I’m very depressed right now. Couple days after we decided to stop texting each other, she texted me asking how have I been. I was cold to her because I knew it was for the best. She kept making things to talk and again talking about us not working and so on. It was driving me crazy. Until she called me the night. We talked like normal, she jokes around so sweet. We laughed. Then I said to her “you have to move on, we have to move on”, and she hung up. The next morning she texted me “I miss you”, I replied “I miss you too.” Then she continued that she wanted me to be independent and strong, and being with her would be an obstacle for me to do so. So we said take care to each other. Later the day she texted me again saying that sometimes I have to give command so then others won’t walk over me. I okayed her. I had meeting the whole day that day and after meeting was done, I figured out that she blocked me everywhere.
This breaks me really hard. The thought of not be able to see or contact her anymore frightens me. I’m feeling crazy, I’m dying inside, I wanna scream. I don’t know what is this. I’m depressed right now. Help me please.
August 7, 2017 at 6:41 am #162646FelitaParticipantHi casey, thank you for your reply.
I know I have to beat myself. But something is holding me to do that. To stop. The fear of when she’s completely gone in my life. I’m afraid of that. I don’t know is this my ego or is this the so called love.
August 7, 2017 at 6:38 am #162644FelitaParticipantHi anita,
thank you for your reply. It is difficult to determine which is the real voice inside my head. Sometimes I feel I miss her being around and I’m afraid that it’s just my ego who wants her back for me to feel safe again. I don’t know do I really have feeling for her or is it just an unhealthy attachment. How do you figure out? How do you decide which voices to believe?
She said she loves me enough to set me free. She said she had to push me so that I can kill this unhealthy attachment. And she said she wants to figure out if after I lose the attachment, can we really work out or not. Basically she is waiting. I am really in a river of confusion. I don’t know what to do.
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