Forum Replies Created
October 22, 2013 at 4:30 pm #44191CandyParticipant
BTW as for the Title of this Forum, I want to note that I DO NOT feel that any of this was my fault. In fact, I had asked, “what did I do”? and the reply was “You did nothing at all.” I know that it takes 2 people to make a relationship and I shared in that responsibility but I cannot make another person “happy” within themselves;
no one can do that. Besides, there is really NO justification for lies and cheating on your partner, your friend. As adults, we are each accountable for our own behavior. Yes I feel compassion, as we are all human and can make mistakes, but we cannot protect another from the consequences of their behavior.October 22, 2013 at 4:12 pm #44187CandyParticipant
Hi-I am new to site but have been reading thru. I was glad to read what you just wrote Jeff, as it made me feel better. You see, I was with my partner (72 yrs old) for 35 years until summer of 2012 when she became infatuated and cheated on me with someone her daughter’s age (49) and then arbitrarily ended our relationship. I am 62 and before she did this, she proposed that we go to NY and get married so that “if anything happens to me (her) you will be taken care of.” She had cancer 2x since 2005. We got thru her illnesses as well as deaths of both my parents ad my brother and she retired in 2010. We discussed our plans for travel, etc and I was semi-retired. After the betrayal, I considered our 35 yrs of fidelity together as well as her illnesses. I forgave her but she claimed that her girlfriend told her I could never forgive her. As you can imagine, life had been a heartbreaking and tortous experience for me over a year; she came back and forth, telling me she still loved me and was not leaving me, then going back to her, etc. I had never had a long term relationship before and had loved and trusted her all these years. You develop an “interdependence” with someone you’ve shared life with for that long of a time; we always “had each other’s back”. And altho its been a year now that she abandoned me (and our 2 cats) I still think about her every day and yes, despite the cruelty, I do care about her too. I know that, try as hard as I have, (reading, meditating,praying,etc) I will never forget her nor the love and laughter that we shared together; and I miss this dearly. People tell me in time she won’t matter but I know in my heart, she always will. I am saddened that we will both probably leave this earth without seeing each other again when in 2010 our wills specified that our ashes be blended together and spread out over the ocean and the woods that we hiked in together for years. Her daughter is so disappointed in her mother’s behavior too but nothing she can do. I now realize that my partner is still trying to find happiness thru another human being and as I had told her many times, it must be within first and only then shared with another. I find solace in my artwork but still have much heartache, not so much in that she left, as I gave her that option if she was unhappy, but in the way that she chose to do it, by lies, cheating and backstabbing. It will always hurt when someone you love tells you by their behavior that you don’t matter to them anymore. So what do we do? I told her daughter that I will always keep an open heart for her mother but I will not allow myself to be manipulated nor mentally and emotionally abused again. I have physically distanced myself and not disclosed my whereabouts, as in the past several months she has been bullying and mean in her scant communications to me. I felt it best this way, in order for me to heal. Thanks for all of the insightful messages form everyone and I hope we can all heal. I still find irony in the fact that something as wonderful as “Love” as also cause so much pain.