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Garrett

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  • #45546
    Garrett
    Participant

    Wow Lea you’re exactly right! So many of the things in your story match mine almost exactly. I was so mad at my friend for being so selfish and for not giving me the attention that I think that I deserved for being such a good friend to him. Him and I talked last night and we were able to come to an agreement. I have a lot of things with social anxiety and I tend to make up extreme things when people don’t message me back or respond exactly how I would like. I think this is something you could investigate within yourself too. One of the most important things that we can do is to realize and tell ourselves how special we are and I think you would agree with that. However, another part of that is recognizing that others, even people we consider our best friends are equally as different and special. If you really value your friend so much I think you should a few steps back and maybe try to understand a bit more of her reasonings. It doesn’t mean you have to like them or even agree with them. I know I certainly don’t agree with a lot of my friend’s personality, but I still love him as much and try to find a way to learn something from it and make it a positive growing experience. Also, if this girl really is being so horrible to you, make sure you love yourself too. The fact is people aren’t going to love you if you can’t love yourself. I can definitely see she’s been quite the . . . annoyance . . .. sometimes, but it’s perfectly ok to get annoyed at your friends. What I’ve resolved to is I’m going to have to accept my friends differences because it’s wrong for me to try and change someone, and almost everyone has perfectly explainable reasons for why they act the way they do. My friend who is so cold and hurt me so bad had pretty emotional abusive parents and he’s just not able to handle emotional things. I hope you can learn from my story and that things can improve with your friend.

    Peace and love,
    Garrett

    #43733
    Garrett
    Participant

    Thanks so much guys for the quick reply. After all this I’ve really discovered that I can’t keep pouring myself and expecting so much from people who honestly don’t feel that much back. I’ve promised myself to still love him as my friend regardless, but I’m guessing it’s time to realize I can’t expect much in return at least for the moment? And I guess this is where the true struggle begins. All of my best friends are also his best friends and I also want to keep spending time with my friends and him too in the future. But I’m not sure how to manage this. If this guy caused me so much pain I feel like the best thing for me would be to drift away but I know I’m gonna be seeing him on into my college life.
    Also, when I talked with him he told me about how much his parents used to mentally and physically ride him about how much he should be doing and living up to and when he told me that I was simply being too emotional he also said that if he were in my shoes his parents would be beating him right now for being so emotional. I feel that it’s part of my job as someone who values him as a friend to stick with it and maybe show him a caring side, but then he gets mad and detests that emotional side and tells me it should be fixed. I know you can’t change people, but I feel that by giving up on him and not showing emotion anymore I’m not leaving any kind of influence on his life and not sharing my light with him . . .
    If I just start pretending things are ok again after our conversation, he’ll just think I was going through a phase. More than anything I want him to know and see how much his actions hurt me. How they led me to be suicidal, and to hurt myself. I would never tell someone that they were the sole cause of this, but I wish he could taste some of that pain and if nothing else understand and be sympathetic rather than tell me I’m just being too attached and too emotional.

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