Forum Replies Created
-
Fortunately I choose to feel, but I was curious/dismayed about the theological implications of how it might work. I do think though that by “almost falling into the metaphorical pit” as it were, it HAS shed light on how full Buddhists logically become monks. Again, fortunately I elect to live by Buddhist principles rather than throwing myself into the whole lifestyle (beside which I’m rather partial to my hair as it is, in I have to admit a narcissistic Tony Stark kinda way).
Thank you for your reflections upon the matter Ruminant, and thank you Sandra for that fab quote! 🙂
Your definition of mature love is exactly the ticket. I have no illusions as to the differences between romantic (Hollywood) and mature (real world) love – what I do worry about is that having achieved a mature love, it might leave people more individually satiated but ultimately more disconnected – if I might extend the metaphor a little I worry that we would end up more Borg like; content to live but empty between one another, or am I simply experiencing a sense of mature love without any notion of receiving love back? It seems as though as society stands at the moment it’s become a case of almost self sacrifice, since there seem to be many people still locked into this Hollywood notion of love rather than reciprocal love from an authentic self.. Isn’t this just going to result in a few empty souls bumping into lots of people living with illusion? What happens when you get to the end of your life not having known any love in return for your own selfless acts of kindness? Surely without a mass adoption of authentic self love and selfless giving of love, there is nothing but a bittersweet flavour awaiting us on our deathbeds? I’m not sure how I’ve come to perceive matters of authentic self, self respect and mature love in this fashion..
daydreamer91, you have my sympathies hehe.. I know this feeling very well from past experience. In fact I think it’s fair to say (even with great humility) that I’ve experienced almost every single kind of emotional bereavement possible.. For what it’s worth I do think that your best foot forwards will be to try and spend more time focussing upon yourself. I’m assuming that since you’re here speaking in this site in particular that you have some measure of interest in Buddhism, or at the very least might be inquisitive about Buddhist principles? At this point you’d probably run into someone who might just blankly state “forget her” but its’s not that easy is it.. SO, instead of just leaving things in the air, the specific advice I would offer you my friend is to fix your mind in the present; try all you can to notice all the little bits of beauty all around you – things that you might find funny or interesting. Distract your mind with the present, safe in the knowledge that the past is unchangeable and the future unknowable. Worry about neither, and find the things that give you joy and help you to rehabilitate your feelings towards other ladies 🙂 Best of luck and do keep in touch! I almost feel a sense of responsibility now myself hehe!
I think there are a few things you might want to think about with this one..
Are you sure about your feelings? Are they based upon who you really believe your friend to be? Do you strictly speaking know this person authentically? It’s one thing for someone to share their hopes and fears with you, but quite another thing to say that you really know them.
Do the two of you share the same goals or interests or was this friendship connection something that emerged due to the nature of your conversations? Are the two of you really aligned, as it were? It sounds as though she is on a new course, but probably very grateful for your ear and thoughts over the time you’ve spent together. Whether that’s an authentic line for her or not is really for her to decide, and possibly for you to have to accept, regardless of whether that potentially genuinely brings you two together or forces you to diverge even more. It’s possible, however much you might not want to think of it like this, that the two of you have served your mutual purpose and it’s time to move on. If this is the case I would be happy for her and the time you spent together, take any joy and learning from it, look inwardly at yourself and see how you might better serve your inner self, to make yourself happy on your own path. That being said, if you do genuinely have these big feelings then as it stands I can’t think that it would hurt to express them to her in an open and honest way (it’s important that you are honest with her and yourself). This way you won’t give yourself something to look back on with any regret – your heart will have been expressed, and she will (maybe gratefully!) in turn have the chance to reciprocate those feelings or at least explain why she can’t or why she isn’t interested – this latter will hurt but it will also give your heart some closure and allow you to get on with your life in a way which is free from those feelings of longing.
Firstly I might offer a very positive “well done” for managing this far – to regain your sense of self after a relationship is no small thing. Speaking from my own circumstances around this issue I’d recommend an approach whereby you cultivate inner happiness (remember that looking after oneself is NOT selfish, when it comes to ensuring that you have enough strength and reserves before you go on wholeheartedly to help others) and hone in on that “target” by means of mindfulness. Don’t fret about the past since it’s unchangeable, don’t worry about the future because in all probability it’s unknowable.. Enjoy the roaming and doing the things you like! Practice feeling those little moments of mirth as deeply as you can and don’t assimilate them in comparison to aspects of the smiles or hugs in relationships. Just remain fixed in the present, noticing all the good things as you go, no matter how small. As you go about your business, being good to yourself, you’ll slowly begin to better find your feet, and if it does anything for you as it has for myself I can say that will at least lead you along a path which will make you feel more healthy and balanced, eventually putting you in a place where people will feel you begin to shine as your authentic self. By taking the “mindful present” option, you can cultivate inner happiness and follow an approach which will leave you open to new friendship possibilities, rather than potentially putting yourself where you may shun new relationships – that isn’t in all likelihood what you wish to be doing. We are interconnected, so just nurture yourself, a bit at a time, and things will start to click again, I’m sure.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 