It sounds like you are very aware of some of the issues you’re dealing with, and identification is often the hardest step. Just know you are not alone in your struggles, and that it will get better. I promise you that.

Are you seeing a therapist or doctor right now? If not, you should be, as soon as possible. If you aren’t sure you can afford it, go to a walk-in clinic or even a woman’s clinic and see what they can do for you. Your untreated panic attacks are probably making everything 100x worse—the anticipation of them, the suffering they cause, and the aftermath. Building up your healthcare support team will be absolutely crucial in your battle with depression/anxiety, and it sounds like you already are if you are going to a psychosomatic clinic (which I admittedly know next to nothing about).

In the meantime, try to practice daily sets of mindful breathing to try to calm your anxiety. You can search “mindful breathing exercises” for some ideas. That’s a very easy tool you can use on your own to help take the edge off. As far as your ex-boyfriend goes, it sounds like you developed a dependency on him in an effort to create a sense of worth for yourself, and that was shattered when you broke up. It feels like your world is crashing down, and I’m sure you miss him profoundly, but keep in mind that you may not just be missing him—you may be missing the sense of self-worth you were building, which you will eventually be able to do on your own. It’s going to get better. I just think your best option is to find a trusted therapist, and hopefully a psychiatrist. If you are already seeing one, you may need to increase the frequency of your sessions.

Hang in there!