I need help, how to deal with severe depression and anxiety?

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This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 5 months ago by Al.

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November 17, 2013 at 3:46 pm #45407
Hannah
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I have been struggling with depression for several years now. I am extremely insecure and have great difficulties getting close to people. I managed by building walls shielding me from the outside world, always escaping into my head when I was confronted with painful situations. Last Winter I entered my first relationship (I am 21 now) and it fall apart a couple weeks ago. The relationship and especially the breakup brought up a lot of painful issues and made me realize how torn apart I am between getting close to someone and pulling away. While I really loved my ex boyfriend, I was never really able to tell him face to face and the more I liked him the less I could tell him about myself. I became more and more self conscious around him. He broke things off because he has similiar problems when it comes to relationships with people. It was a shock for me because I was ignoring all the problem with communication we had and got overly attached to him, building up my whole future on him. I was so glad to finally not be alone anymore. I know this is no healthy base for any relationship, desperatly needing the other person because you feel you’re not good enough by yourself. But right now I feel completely lost, really scared and I don’t know how to get out of it. I feel empty, like I am just a shell walking around. I stopped doing things I liked a long time ago, always trying to make other people happy and by now I have no idea who I am. I miss my ex boyfriend so much but I also have the feeling that by obsessing over him and all the things I may have done wrong, I am trying to supress all the issues I have with myself.
I tried starting college this fall but then it all came down on me and I put it off for another year. Soon I am going to spend some time in a psychosomatic clinic but right now, every day is a torture. I feel anxious all day, having several panic attacks and difficulties doing the simplest things. I want to deal with all these painful feelings but how do I do this? I don’t know where to start and I feel so hopeless, so detached from myself and everything around me.
- This topic was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Hannah.
November 17, 2013 at 7:52 pm #45420
PurpleFly
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Hi Hannah, you are not alone. To recover, first you need to let go of your ex boyfriend. Love yourself first, then you will be able to spread the love. He made his choice, you can’t change it, but you can definitely change your mindset. Do you love yourself? If you do, you wont let him to conquer your mind, instead you will do things that will benefit you. I was severely depressed too because of a broken relationship. To add on, he put me down, called me names,asked for money and even asked for a booty call when he left. It really degraded me. I was so depressed that I put on hold my college too. I was all alone, my confidence was crushed, I cried and stayed in my room for months. Heck, my menstrual cycle even stopped for months because of the pressure. After pinning on someone who doesn’t deserve all that, I started to live my life, day by day. I did small things as a beginning, to regain my confidence level. I started to planning on my goals, and worked towards that. I even started college, and happy to report that I am top scorer in my college. Problems will always arise, these problems are meant to be there to make you stronger. I was so timid before that, I thought whatever my ex told me about me was true. I am more confident now, even people around me noticed the difference and said I am glowing. Now tell me, why do you want to punish yourself for a guy that left you? Do you think he deserve your love? If he really loved you, he would not have left. Love basically means together through thick and thins. You are lucky you found out his true color earlier. You are indeed still very young, there will be more relationships for you in future. But, learn to love yourself first. Try to be independent and love will come finding you on its own. For now, take time to heal, eat proper meals, exercise, meditate, sleep well. Do activities you like, even try to go for a small trip somewhere. Then, when you start college, make sure you put your 100% concentration in it. After all, lessons learned. If you can go through this, believe me, you can overtake any problems arise in future. Make a vow to change. Do search on the net too, about law of attraction. It helped me tremendously. Be happy, smile always. I hope you will recover soon. My best wishes are with you. Cheers
- This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by PurpleFly.
- This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by PurpleFly.
November 17, 2013 at 7:56 pm #45423

Genevieve
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It sounds like you are very aware of some of the issues you’re dealing with, and identification is often the hardest step. Just know you are not alone in your struggles, and that it will get better. I promise you that.

Are you seeing a therapist or doctor right now? If not, you should be, as soon as possible. If you aren’t sure you can afford it, go to a walk-in clinic or even a woman’s clinic and see what they can do for you. Your untreated panic attacks are probably making everything 100x worse—the anticipation of them, the suffering they cause, and the aftermath. Building up your healthcare support team will be absolutely crucial in your battle with depression/anxiety, and it sounds like you already are if you are going to a psychosomatic clinic (which I admittedly know next to nothing about).

In the meantime, try to practice daily sets of mindful breathing to try to calm your anxiety. You can search “mindful breathing exercises” for some ideas. That’s a very easy tool you can use on your own to help take the edge off. As far as your ex-boyfriend goes, it sounds like you developed a dependency on him in an effort to create a sense of worth for yourself, and that was shattered when you broke up. It feels like your world is crashing down, and I’m sure you miss him profoundly, but keep in mind that you may not just be missing him—you may be missing the sense of self-worth you were building, which you will eventually be able to do on your own. It’s going to get better. I just think your best option is to find a trusted therapist, and hopefully a psychiatrist. If you are already seeing one, you may need to increase the frequency of your sessions.

Hang in there!

November 29, 2013 at 10:21 pm #45981

Jake
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Not to long ago I’ve gotten so depressed, with nothing and no one to help me go on. No reason to live. And on top of that my boss started banging my girlfriend. So I lost my job as well. Your not alone in pain and loss. But my advice to you is:

You can take advice from other people and learn so many great story’s and tips from them but the ultimate choice to be happy is yours. No one can make you happy except yourself. And you can’t make anyone else happy until you are happy.

I must also refer you to my post I wrote on someone else’s topic. There might be some good advice in there I hope? It seems to fit well.
http://tinybuddha.com/topic/i-am-at-my-lowest-point/page/2/

Also a bad diet only weighs down on top of depression and all kinds of bad things. You MUST have a healthy diet If you want to start feeling better about yourself.

I hope you the best.

November 29, 2013 at 11:00 pm #45985

Monk
Participant

First of all..You are doing the right thing by getting professional help..when you think it’s beyond the control of your mind to correct your blues, please seek outside help…I just finished writing a reply to another person, might help your situation…I have been in those dark alleys where you feel very helpless..trust me….you have a long life ahead of you and there will be many instances in your life where you will look back and laugh at what you are thinking about yourself right now..It’s all going to be fine in the end, and if it is not fine, then it’s definitely not the end!..Hang tight..this has happened to you because the universe has much better plans for you in the future, long lasting love that will stay with you forever!

here is my way of coping when you feel worthless, alone, lost and sometimes even pathetic –

Close your eyes and imagine yourself in a time machine, you press a button and the machine takes you back in time into the concentration camps in nazi Germany..there you see thousands of people being subjected to the worst conditions and hardships humans could possibly endure, millions of people being executed just because they belonged to a particular race or religion…and yet people in those camps kept on living and surviving with the hope that one day, the madness will end..now open your eyes..aren’t you in much better situation than being in an concentration camp ? You may not have happiness or peace, but you have your freedom..isn’t that worth experiencing? we take our freedom so granted that we have forgotten that countless servicemen sacrifice their lives each day to keep our country free..close your eyes again and imagine yourself being in the world trade center when the planes hit..desperately trying to reach their loved ones, hoping to tell them one last time that they love them..or imagine yourself to be in the shoes of a cancer patient who has a few weeks to live…open your eyes..don’t you feel lucky that you have all the time in the world to express love and gratitude towards all the people that care for you?

When you feel really low and depressed, think of all the people who have/had worse than you..and automatically you will feel grateful for the gift of life that you have..and all you have to do is be grateful for it and live it to the best of what you can make it..as Antony Chektov said – “Any idiot can face a crisis – it’s day to day living that wears you out.”

Hang tight..you will feel better!

November 30, 2013 at 5:54 pm #46001

Al
Participant

You have no idea who you are? Perfect! You have the chance to create a beautiful being! 😉

Hannah, ask yourself this: who truly knows themselves? 😉 It was a trick question. No one. No one will fully know themselves. Why? Because every new discovery leads to a new belief thereby leading to a constant self-altering state. Today, you may not enjoy strawberries with a firm belief that you never will but in your older (and even more beautiful) years you may come to learn to love them hence discovering something new about yourself proving that you never truly knew yourself afterall. 🙂

As for your anxieties and your fears, do not let them hold power over you. What’s there to fear when you’ve nothing to lose and everything to gain? 😉 You’re unsure where to start which in my opinion is the best place to be. This only means that you can start from anywhere. How I envy you! 😉 A fresh beginning should be exciting. In fact, do add excitement to the task you will undertake for life is an adventure! But I’m deviating here. I will answer your question with what I tell others in other posts: You must go out and discover yourself. You did not come into this world knowing what you’re supposed to do. Not knowing where to start is always the first step. Now, you must explore, experiment, discover and experience in order to find a path worth dedicating your life to.

Understand that all make such a journey therefore find peace in your social anxieties. Knowing that we are all ‘traveling’ will bring you more comfort in interacting with others. Keep this in mind and you will find that your words will reach not only ears but hearts as well. Eventually you will be able to ‘connect’ with others instinctively and perhaps with surprising relative ease. 🙂

So keep your head up! Find the joy in the journey and believe that you’ll make it!

Al
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