November 21, 2013 at 8:05 pm #45653VParticipant
Firstly, I want to say that I am so grateful to stumble upon this wonderful gem of a community. I feel selfish when talking about my problems, so I tend to internalize my emotions a lot, so it’s a relief to have an outlet. Thank you all for listening.
These past two years have been a roller coaster of emotions. I realized I had a lot of repressed memories, and that I had an outlet to forget about it by binge drinking which ultimately led me to being even more depressed. After I realized how unhappy I was, I isolated myself completely and started experiencing full blown panic attacks. My doctor didn’t comprehend what I was going through, and probably attributed it to me being a “hypochondriac.” This year took a turn for the worst. I don’t have many close friendships, and I feel that a lot of people tend to resurface in my life when they need a favor, as I tend to be a reliable friend to those who need me. I decided that I needed a change. After struggling with handling school and not being able to maintain a job or even have any ambitions for myself, I realized that I wasn’t happy with myself. I wanted to rectify my mistakes. So, after volunteering at a hospital, I decided that I had a passion for health care and decided to pursue a career in medicine. I have always been harsh on myself, and as a product of my low self esteem, deemed myself stupid so I never even made an effort in anything in my life. However, I still struggle with past issues that pain me on an everyday basis, and there are times that I start barraging myself with insults that makes me want to give up. I don’t have many friends that support, or even care about my dreams. There are even times that I question my existence, and I am sick of just being a pain in the ass. I hate burdening others with my problems, and I feel selfish, and I hate that I am depressed and that it’s difficult to make people understand. How did you survive your lowest point? Should I even try with my life?
I apologize again for the long post….I just didn’t know where to turn.November 21, 2013 at 9:55 pm #45661AlParticipant
At your lowest low means that you can only go up from there, right? 😀 Do not depend on friends to help you care about your dream. Your dream is for you, not them. And already you are on the right path when you state that you want to ‘rectify your mistakes’. Pursuing a career in medicine to help others is highly honorable and noble and that alone should be enough to give you the strength needed.
But do not sulk over your current state. 😀 It is a test everyone undertakes. It is the test to help you find WHAT’S worth living for. It is the test that once you overcome you will learn to live in bliss. With that said my own answer to what’s worth living for may not answer yours because of the different experiences we’ve undergone. You have to keep digging and searching. Find what makes it worth living and give your all to it. However, I’m sure you’re curious as to what my answer is, or are, so I will gladly share it with you. 🙂 For me, it’s simply all of life. Sounds generic, right? However, break down every single aspect of it and you’ll find yourself with a near unlimited foray of beautiful glee and chaos. I wish to experience all of it or as much as I can anyway. That’s non-negotiable. Also, I believe in this world and humanity, in the good that is in each of us, and therefore dedicating my life to contributing in any way I can the good that I’ve learned from the many beautiful souls in the hopes to one day eradicate all negatives. Lol, that’s just a pipe dream as it’s a scientific and religious truth that negatives can’t exist without positives and vice versa. However, it doesn’t mean I can’t try. Simply, it means I’ve sided with good and will continue the good fight to maintain the balance.
Sorry if it’s not much insight. As I mentioned, you have to find your own reasons. But yes, do try. Trying is always the first step. Without trying, how will you know? How will you know if it’s worth living or worth pursuing medicine or worth saving lives or worth sharing your life or worth becoming a father or worth dedicating your life to something or worth making an overseas trip and so on and so forth. In any case, our lives are but a small fraction of time on this planet, a mere 70-90 years. Why not live it to the fullest? *Wink* Hopefully this helps. Oh, also, the bumps don’t stop. Ever. Life is a life-long learning experience (as it should be lol). Once you learn and accept this you’ll see every obstacle as a challenge to improve yourself so make sure you tackle em!
Best of luck to you my friend! Don’t give up yet!November 22, 2013 at 9:51 am #45664WilliamParticipant
Please, please never give up on life and love. Keep going. I think it was Churchill, a man who suffered from depression, who said “When you are going through hell, keep going” I have been in a similar place, and I have never regretted keeping going……you need to know how special and beautiful you are. your mind will tell you lots of stuff….but that’s your mind, NOT YOU!!!!
Detach from it, see it, say OK that’s what you are saying, but actually…
You may well have beliefs which do not serve you…..stand up to them and say ” I hear what you are saying, but you are not the truth. I am enough’
XXXNovember 22, 2013 at 12:16 pm #45670Anders HasselstrømParticipant
Thanks for sharing your story. Please make it a habit to talk to people about your problems instead of internalize it. Having the possibility to say it out loud and get nurtured can take you a long way. Talking about your problems can be tough but right now you are experiencing the alternative – How does that make you feel?
If I was in your situation I would try to make a list of all the things in life I appreciate. Make a list of gratitude. Often times we are too busy telling ourselves what we are missing in our lives and forget to focus on the precious and lovely things we do have. I assume you can hear, see, run and talk? Most deaf, blind and handicapped people would almost die for those opportunities.
Make it a habit to read some positive and inspirational blogs every day. Give mine a read or find something you like. You will experience a lot of other people facing same troubles and challenges as you do today. You are the only one who decides the quality of your life. Determine that you are no longer going to drink, no longer going to be harsh on yourself and start developing healthy habits. I know it takes time and can be hard to do but look at the alternative my friend. You do not want to stay miserable like this.
If you would like me to assist you I would love to listen to your challenges and give you some guidance and opinions.
Best of luck,
http://www.andershasselstrom.comNovember 22, 2013 at 4:18 pm #45675Hollie CaddockParticipant
I was at my lowest almost 2 years ago. I’ve questioned my own existence too; I felt so depressed, unneeded, unloved, useless and completely alone. So I can understand (a little) what sort of pain you may be in…
But here is the thing:
You are very much loved and needed on this planet. You have made a difference in so many people’s lives by working at that hospital and even if 1,000,000 other people could’ve made the difference happen, it wasn’t any of those people. It was you. You got off your arse and did it. Even if you make only one person smile a day, you made a difference.
You can overcome any barrier you or someone else makes for you. You are capable and strong than you think.
I can tell you care simply from listening to your post. You can ignite that into passion with a little faith in yourself. The only time we fail is when we refuse to try anymore.
So go on, be selfish. It’s great to be selfish. Only by taking care of ourselves can we be available to take care of others. Just temper it with love and patience for every human being you meet.
You’re going to be great in health care. I have that faith in you and in your dreams.
You can do this.November 25, 2013 at 1:46 am #45791HelenParticipant
The above posts are pretty awesome so I’m just going to add never give up. Keep on chugging along, find what makes you happy, and keep doing more of that.November 26, 2013 at 11:42 am #45831Anders HasselstrømParticipant
Sometimes that is all what is needed Helen,
Thanks for contributing to the post anyway.
Motivational SpeakerNovember 26, 2013 at 5:33 pm #45848JulieParticipant
I was at my lowest point about a week ago. I felt like crawling into a dark cave and hiding from the world. What I realized was that I was already in a cave. I had isolated myself from my friends and family and I was constantly lying to myself about what I wanted vs what I needed. I created a reality that was not sustainable and put my feelings of self worth elsewhere – where it was not cared for – duh!. I found this forum and have read nearly every article. Now when I’m feeling down, I read the articles on the site or links from it that I’ve saved that inspire me. I made an appointment with a counselor (look for a good one who inspires you). I reached out to friends and family. I was honest with myself . . . finally. I forgave myself . . . finally. I can tell you that I am feeling so much better.
Congratulations to you for finding this forum too and for reaching out. Everyone deserves to be selfish. I encourage you to be selfish and love yourself more. Seek help and support from anywhere that you can. Love yourself.November 29, 2013 at 9:39 pm #45970JakeParticipant
Hope this help’s you…took me a long time to type 🙂
I’m going through something similar as to what you are right now. It just comes in different waves, but it all leads to total destruction.
I eventually just had enough of everything and couldn’t take anymore of this hell. No friends, No family around, No hobbies,
No skills, just alcohol drugs, depression, and delusions.
-I moved to start completely over and clear my head, bad habits, and other things I picked up-
I don’t know what you are going through, but it sounds like you have so many negative thoughts in your head and memories that
you just can’t get away from. I’ve found it so hard for me to want to change in the same place I’ve been messing up the whole
time. Sometimes it’s not bad to just leave and not look back and start over. A new scenery was the best thing i’I’ve ever done.
Just know that in your heart you can get through all this mess and go on to be a better open minded person. Learn to except and
RESPECT yourself. Or no one else will. Your past is your past. Some people just need someone to tell them to quite being a
B***h about it and move on. Your future will out weigh your past and you can write it however you want. Surround yourself with
only positive things, people, even the photos and music you look and listen to. They all affect you in someway.
Here are some things that have helped me get back on track. I only wish you the best and hope that some of my ideas may help
you or some other reader with having a happier life.
=Goal===Clear the mind, Clean the body, Set up a healthy lifestyle, Win=
I complete stopped drugs, alcohol and cigarettes.
Start standing up straighter with your head higher
Started a fitness plan and EXTREMELY healthy diet(organic). and began eating like a monster.
Starting taking bioplasm cell salts, chorella, mens 1 a day, and Argentine. Lots of water!
Meditation. Started researching the third eye awakening, and taking steps on cleaning out system.
Deleted all my photos and numbers out of my phone except family.
Ive been saving only inspirational photos on my phone. Example would be amazing sites of earth and nature.
Made a music playlist of only instrumental music for mediation and concentration.
Started a new hobby the I never thought I would do..and I love it. Snowboarding
A good sprint in the morning to a short walk no matter the weather nature throws at me. Followed by stretches
Stop watching TV. Only adds more useless fog and crap to your brain! Spectating is not a sport!
I try and never pass up a good deed. Helping an old lady cross the street, picking up trash on the ground etc.
I search for positive things on Google and YouTube like, people are awesome, talents, healthy foods etc.
Do anything that is good for your heart and your brain. Your body loves you so much, why trash it?
(Just as a side note, after only a month of all this. There was a day i was eating and I felt a happy high and my brain felt warm)
Remember…Actions Speak Louder Then Words!!! I am always open to share my advice 🙂