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    Dear Phantom2013

    I am not a professional, so I don’t consider my thoughts as advices you should follow. But, I have been in a similar situation and maybe is good to you to know that you are not the only person in the world feeling lost in life. Sometimes I feel lost, and sometimes I feel like an outsider (So, I think I understand you). Mainly, because I see the people around and it seems we live in a complete different world. Our values are completely different and, to be honest, I know I would not be happy doing the things other people do, but I would like to feel happy like they do.
    I also just passed this college phase and I know there is a lot of pressure from our families and the college itself.

    The second thing I would like to say is: if you are not able to sleep and you are taking self medication to do so, you must look for a professional in a health center! I am not suggesting you have any problem, but sleeping well is fundamental for your health. Recovering your sleeping is like the first step you have to take, and get this help from a professional.

    As I told you, I have been feeling lost and I tried to figure out what was happening to me. Why I didn’t feel satisfaction with my life, since I have all the resources I needed? I am not a religious person, so it didn’t work for me. Then I tried to read philosophy. I started looking for a lot of books and actually I got more confused sometimes. But, I discovery a very important thing:
    – since the beginning of human kin we are wondering how to feel happy and discover how to achieve it.
    Understanding what is life, what is it purpose, and how to live are questions that are thousand of years old. And those answers were not found yet. I am not saying it to discourage you. But, it is important to understand that this happiness you see around you right now is kind of subjective and fragile. It is hard to say if the people around you are really happy or just eluded.
    The world we live nowadays tries to convince us that we have to be happy all the time. This is just a marketing strategy to sell products. They suggest you are not happy because you don’t have enough things, and you must buy a lot of stuff instead. They create on us the obligation to be happy. And this obligation is converted in things we must buy. This can make us sick, because anyone can be happy all the time, this is why you see anxious and depressed people all around the world, even if is everyone pretty rich.

    What I want to say is don’t feel bad because you are feeling bad. Be patient with yourself, try to identify what makes you anxious and if is a real thing or just the neurosis of our generation.
    I can imagine the weight you feel in your shoulders since you think your parents deposit they expectations on you. It is not fair you must succeed because of your sister or cousins. This is again the insane competition they try to impose to everyone.

    I see you are alive and want to get a good life. You just need to get balance and the things are not so complicated. You don’t need to be afraid of.

    One thing I just did very wrong to myself was to blame myself about my lack of success compared to my friends. In fact, my friends were more envy about me than I could know and they were also comparing themselves to me. It is again a bad thing in our generation, the exaggerated competition about every single thing.
    You need to be compassionated to yourself and removing the idea you must be perfect. Compassion is to understand that you can fail, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. You will see that many “successful” people around you just don’t blame themselves for nothing, even when they are wrong.

    Be compassionated to yourself and look for a professional (psychologist) to help you. I don’t mean you have a problem and that is why you need it. I am suggesting it, because I think everyone needs this. Actually, I find weird that we try to live not concerning about our feelings.

    I think you must initiate the process of change and the psychologist will lead you to :
    -understand yourself better
    -understand your problems and how they are affecting you
    -how you can proceed in front of your problems
    -being calm
    -teaching you to meditate


    The reason I posted it is because sometimes I get myself thinking about this and it makes me feel uncomfortable.
    And I tried to find a way to get rid of these bad feelings reading some articles, but their arguments didn’t apply very well to me. The main arguments blamed men for insecurity or women for unnatural promiscuity.

    Then I reflected about my own experience and I found that is related to the feeling that in the “racing” to get a pair, it seems that “bad guys”get some advantage, and the “good guys” expects an “untouched girl” to redeem them since they become the only way to overcome the humiliation they feel of being rejected or not successful in that “racing”.

    I think many men hide the fact they feel humiliated in this “competition” and transfer their frustration to women, blaming and shaming them. And even the men don’t understand it very well. So, this discussion may help them to clearer that.
    At same time, women seem to not understand what is the complex effect for men when they get to know their past. And maybe women can be compassionated to the “good guy”.

    I realized that men usually see the women they commit as a kind of trophy. That is why they are so concerned about the past of their future spouses. These man get attached to women who is able to fix their self-steem lack. Since they find themselves in a competition where the winner is the more sexual active, they will be shamed if their wives had more “points” than them or other men signalizes they have got this “point” before them.

    I think part of this suffering can’t be avoided. Since the people will be rejected in some part of their lives.
    The men should value more himself instead of keeping competing in this very unfair competition. They always will feel foolish if they keep their self-esteem conditioned to the behavior of women.
    I also think that while the bad guy profile keeps working better than being a good guy, the men will do an effort to become more like it. This just complicates the commitment process.


    Hi Anita,
    Yes, you got the point (and explained it in a shorter and clearer way).

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