Hey Rainbow, I appreciate where you are coming from. I think it is great that you are acknowledging an issue you may have, and are racking your brain to come up with a solution. Just in that single way of thinking, you are off to a great start and ahead of the curb I feel.

After reading your post, you come across as a smart guy. Not only do you have an idea of what your issue is, but a potential source of where it originated. So now what? We are all human and judging someone too early is something we are at fault with AT LEAST once.

It sounded like you may have conquered this issue before, since you mentioned “history is repeating itself”. I’d suggest thinking back on how you were about to overcome that issue the first time. If that doesn’t work, when people say, “you aren’t a good person”, for starters… I don’t even know you and disagree with that.

Its clear that you have empathy and care about how you communicate with people from your message. Universally, that is one of the top attributes of a good person.

With that said, lack of communication tends to be one of the greatest problem of mankind. Could that be something that gives people the wrong idea? You also mention not being self-aware; your entire post came off as self-aware to me pal. Are you expression the same or similar feelings in your personal relationships? When people bring up something, such as you “not being self-aware”, or “hypocritical”; How do you react? Do you try to understand why they may feel that way, or become defensive? It sounds like the answer to your question is really close, and I hope those questions help you connect some type of dots.

My man, don’t beat yourself up so much. Whatever shadow you had in the past, you gave a fuck to overcome it and be a better person. Not everybody has the courage to acknowledge and make an effort to change. Be proud of what you’ve overcame and remember to focus on how you overcame that shadow, so that you keep moving forward.

I don’t know you, but I like you. I dig your spirit. Keep moving forward, good luck bro.