Hey Becky,
I too have and still do battle with anxiety, depression, and sometimes just total self destruction. I am also an older guy(53), I’m opening this way not to discourage you but to also let you know your not alone! Here goes: first of all try holding your breath til you pass out or die, Failed didn’t you! now try laughing to death, failed didn’t you! This is something I learned in therapy, people like us tend to embellish our realities as if no one else has these problems or signs. yeah signs! that’s what most of these feelings are signs of what we need to investigate inside our selves with kindness and understanding, that this is a life long journey. As with any journey its easier embarked upon with a plan. First try laughing and holding your breath til you die as I mentioned earlier; once you’ve realized that these are unnecessary worries try some others .Your going to find out that your feeling and living your thoughts. As we both know we are not our thoughts, we are not our feelings. So for now the plan is to investigate and prove to yourself that some of these fears are not realistic. Secondly a therapist can be a great help? I went through maybe a dozen therapists before I found the right one. It’s not “one stop shopping”, if its not a good fit keep looking. We want help so much sometimes we will settle for anyone who is willing to listen I don’t know if this is your case but you need to know your in control! You came here no one forced you! Your in control! There I said it twice “CONTROL” this is what we want and this is usually what’s holding us back from peace of mind. We don’t need control we need to be grounded and once we’re grounded we can investigate our demons rationally. I could go on and on but it wont help you anymore at this point. So I want to finish by saying “I feel your pain” and there’s a solution: it’s all inside of you I recommend looking into getting grounded before going any further. Great sources are Tiny Buddha, Tich Nat Hanh, and Pema Chodrun. Also mentioned in other posts; just breathe, yoga, meditation (not easy but worth trying and trying again and again) and a willingness to fail and get back up again. I hope to see you on here again. Namaste..