Hi Anita, I hope you’re well my friend.

SS and I haven’t gotten back together, I have told her my feelings and my intention of getting back but she’s says there’s no point, as there is no future now because of the cheating incident.

The only validation I mostly seek is by being in a relationship with someone, meaning that they accept me for who I am. It also stems from my fear of being alone.

I have no health concerns Anita, I’m just a bit overweight and I would like to attain and maintain a leaner physic.

Hoping to hear from you soon Anita.

Goingthroughlife

Hi dear Anita,

Yes, there’s nothing wrong, she asked me if I want to get together, how will I ever trust again if I get with her. I did not answer her question.

Anita, as I was bullied and told I was ugly in my childhood, I inherently seek external validation through relationships and intimacy.

I’m happy about the decision I made career wise, it makes me feel very light, I just want to make my other aspects of life better too, I want to achieve what I want to, because it’s one life. I have started focusing on my health and I want to become my best version physically and emotionally, but I think that’s too to attract relationships in my life.

I hope I’m not blabbering in dear Anita. Thank you for listening.

Hoping to hear from you soon friend.

GoingThroughLife

Thank you for your reply dear Anita. I’m happy I could make you smile.

After the breakup, I knew there was a need to change, I have decided to pursue the professional course I was running away for years, since 2019 actually. Now it’s 2025 and I’m 24, it’s now or never, and pursuing this course will give me certainty in life, which is very needed. As you know my confused nature, I will try to go back on my decision, but I trust I will talk to myself in not going back. This course gives me a chance to scale my father’s work.

My heart feels lighter in choosing this path for me, it’s scared but it feels right.

I have started working on my health and I know although a very tough path may lie ahead, I will get through it listening to my heart.

Thank you for listening again my friend Anita.

Hoping to hear from you soon
GoingThroughLife

Anita

Thank you for your response again and for writing this. This changed my perspective on many things. I really like your idea, my family and friends treat me like a 24 year old, but the child still isn’t treated like a child, he makes mistakes, he’s confused. This confusion comes out in real life confusion and attachment issues in my present life. I will start treating that child like a child, I’ll hold his hand so that he’s never alone again. Together we’ll make the right decisions and get through the consequences.

I never knew it was possible to change my attachment style, I thought I could control it and not make it spillover my relationships. I tried it with SS but it resulted in me being ignorant, out of the fear of being overly reliant on her. By doing this, I couldn’t be there for her either when she needed me the most. I was scared of opening up my attachment style. You are right SS made me feel safe and sound secure, I never felt like this in any previous relationship, i think that’s why I thought she will understand, I was wrong and I should be more conscious in my relationships. I miss her and that feeling.

Although I can’t see myself praying with him Anita, because both our needs are different, I’m 24, I have physical needs too. But I will try what you said, I asked you to be my guide, I will let you guide me.

Thank you for supporting me Anita and for your kind words in the first line. I hope I can fully say the same about myself too in the future.

I’m grateful I stumbled upon this website to find you and stories of amazing people written in blogs. Out of the immense probability of not finding this, I did find this and you.

I will keep you updated on the possible interactions with the child. And any tips on understanding your gut and listening to it would be grateful to know from you dear Anita.

Thanking you and hoping to hear from you again dear Anita.

Your grateful friend
GoingThroughLife

Thank you for your reply Anita.

Thank you for going through our past conversations again to generate these insights. Yes I do want a stable loving relationship, i guess I did push away SS too but no meeting some gof her needs, but I know I chose SS everyday and I did not kill our relationship like she did by kissing someone else. I wish it never happened, I thought we could have made things work.

Yes I have a fearful avoidant attachment type, so I seek loving relationship but with time I push away. I have recognised it and I will try to not let it affect my relationships again. It’s harder to lose someone you love than to get comfortable with my attachment style.

Yes, I never know what to in career. I had two choices, either go to France for higher studies and if I find a job live there. Or I do a professional course in my country to join my dad’s family office. I am already 24 Anita, I don’t want life to go by my while I’m stuck in indecision.

Thank you for your concern, it makes me feel loved. Something to add, my nights and mornings are filled with missing SS, I just wish I could have done something different, maybe she could have done something different, that something like this would have never happened.

Hoping to hearing from you Anita

GoingThroughLife

Anita

To be true, I want to take revenge, she apologized, cried and gave me all type of explanation. Ik I miss her but I just want to take revenge. My childhood friend advices against it, but I just want to. She so easily killed us. Also I got comfortable with her, I miss that security too.

Hi Anita, again thanks for your reply.

Yes I am aware of the fearful avoidant style of mine and it had spillovers with SS too. It took me 1 year to say “I love you” to her and I was not keen to share a lot about my personal life to her. She kept asking for it and with time I did open to her, I was okay with it.

After I think April 2025, SS and me started having a lot of fights which continues till the day she cheated. She and her best friend planned to not tell me, but I still got to know from a good friend. So this best friend let’s call her SG was dating someone, who’s the good friend now. SG cheated on her boyfriend almost an year ago and I knew about it, I was asked not to tell him. A few nights ago he called me asking to tell him the truth, I told him and he told me. And I broke up.

Anita this relationship things go on. But something I’m really concerned about the confusion I have regarding everything in life career, job, relationships, money and future. I guess it comes out of a feeling of being scared and under confidence. I’d like you to give me insights on this confusion which I’m not able to solve.