Dear Anita, thank you again for your time and inputs. I went through your thoughts in a hurry, and I agree with the fearful avoidant attachment style.

Dear Roberta, thank you again for your time and inputs. I went through your post in a hurry. Thank you for sharing the prayer, those phrases hold a lot of weight.

It’s midnight where I live and I will surely go through both the posts thoroughly to give you both a more constructive reply.

And I think as much I want to make it work with SK, there’s too much between us that it wouldn’t be okay to pursue her at the moment. Sometime later in future if we both are single (low chances) I will try for sure.

<p style=”text-align: center;”>Thank you for the reply and guidence Roberta. I think I do not fully know my core values at the moment and what do with my life. I will try to get in more touch with them. And if possible I will surely check out that book.</p>
 

If possible can you please elaborate on how you found your own core values and how did you stick to them so as to not let anyone change them.

Hi Anita, thanks for your thoughtful reply.

1. She was always arrogant during the relationship, we did not maturely clear our misunderstandings and fights. She also failed to make time for dates when we were together. She was sometimes a little disrespectful towards me and kind of made me buy her gifts sometimes, which I did out of love and do not regret.

2. I was really infatuated with her in the beginning. What made our relationship beautiful was the trust, care and closeness. We shared almost everything with each other about our lives. During FWB I was always trying to calm her down during anxiety attacks.

3. During the retrospective jealousy phase I went through depression and she was always there for me. What made me scared to love her was that I won’t get to explore more. She was my first intimate relationship. I tried to break up several times stating I want a more casual relationship, but she never understood and I did not have the guts to break up.

4. I care deeply about her, she does too but I regret a lot and feel guilty of but trying harder. I did what I could. During FWB phase I pulled away bit by bit which I regret.

5. SK had suicidal thoughts sometimes, and was anxious almost all the time, she was also very negative. I tried to pay for therapy for her but she didn’t accept, I was burning out I told her.

6. I think my childhood affects my relationship, which I want to work upon. I loved SK and still care deeply, but she says it’s over romantically. I’m always anxious when I wake up and miss her and our relationship. I have downloaded dating apps to move forward with life and focusing more on my studies. BTW I’m 23.